


The Ham Chat™

by STUMPEDD



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex John Herc Laf Thomas James and Aaron are dating, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Im just calling them OT7, Jenni and i dont have impulse control, M/M, OT7, Texting, and sierra was making memes so she couldnt stop us, fuck the OT7, its OT10 now, so much gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-07-14 13:58:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 17,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7174610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/STUMPEDD/pseuds/STUMPEDD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>my friends and I dicked around for two hours writing this and we have more planned</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A-A-Ron joins

**Author's Note:**

> NAMES-  
> Alexander=HamAndCheese  
> John=Dont  
> Herc=ZeroToHero  
> Laf=FrenchiestFry  
> Angelica=MommaDuck  
> Eliza=FireIsDangerousChildren  
> Peggy=WhoGaveYouTheRight  
> Thomas=MagentaIsAColorAlex  
> James=CurrentlyDyingThanks  
> Burr=User.name  
> George Washington=Best

MagentaIsAColorAlex: JAMES PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE DOING IT

CurrentlyDyingThanks: jfc yes I am your yelling isnt calming me down

MagentaIsAColorAlex: I’M JUST NERVOUS

CurrentlyDyingThanks: You arent the one asking him out asshole

ZeroToHero: WHO THE FUCK IS ASKING WHO OUT

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Aaron currently opened up about being annoyed that he is single especially because he’s open to a poly relationship and now me and James are asking him into ours

ZeroToHero: oh damn

CurrentlyDyingThanks: I sent it. Fuck Thomas if this doesn’t go smoothly he will know it was your idea.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Wow rude. Divorcing you.

CurrentlyDyingThanks: 1. We aren’t married 2. You love me too much 3. He’s typing 4. Where the fuck are you it’s been an hour and getting coffee doesnt take that long

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Um...I may be outside Aaron’s room??

CurrentlyDyingThanks: I would say that’s creepy but he just texted me really excitedly saying he gladly will. So I told him your location. He is too nervous to open the door.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Aww he’s so cute I love h im

HamAndCheese: I literally get out of class and not two minutes later Thomas and James have started dating Aaron. I swear I miss so much shit when my phone is off.

ZeroToHero: Yeah remember the time you missed the fact that we were dating

HamAndCheese: Uncalled for okay I was trying to get an A

ZeroToHero: Babe you always have A’s

HamAndCheese: It was Schuyler's class and that man hates me

MommaDuck: Yeah he really does. He once forced Alex to sit in the hallway because Alex wouldn’t stop scribbling on the board.

HamAndCheese: It wasn’t scribbling. I was just mad so my handwriting wasn’t the best.

MommaDuck: Sure.

HamAndCheese: This is child abuse. Ducks don't treat their children this way.

MagentaIsAColorAlex added User.Name to the group chat

MagentaIsAColorAlex: LooK WHO FINALLY MADE AN ACCOUNT

HamAndCheese: Aaron I know that is you but what the fuck is your username.

User.Name: Thomas put me on the spot I didn’t have time to think

ZeroToHero: ThAT IS EXACTLY WHAT LAF DID TO ME! They refused to let me think on it so I had to do a reference from that stupid ass Disney movie.

FrenchiestFry: I wanted to stay out of this but that insult to an amazing movie will not got unshamed

ZeroToHero: It sucks I’m sorry babe but I hate it.

HamAndCheese: Well I guess we have movie night planned

ZeroToHero: You little shit.

HamAndCheese: ;)

Dont: I tried typing earlier but Burr’s username is killing me i cant breath

User.Name: Thomas are they always like this

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Yes they are and it annoys me

User.Name: Leave then?

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Nah. Too lazy and besides James would talk shit about me

CurrentlyDyingThanks: Wow how dare you assume I’d stoop to that level.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Oh shush you would

CurrentlyDyingThanks: Yeah okay I would

WhoGaveYouTheRight: 1.Sense when has John ever called Aaron by his last name 2. FINALLY YOU FUCKING ASKED HIM OUT

MommaDuck: PEGGY

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Angelica just that one time I get to use it for emphasis

MommaDuck: Yeah okay fine.

WhoGaveYouTheRight: TJEFFS!!! JMADS!!! IM SO PROUD!!!! Aaron I will fight you if you hurt them okay I protect these two since no one else does. (alex)

HamAndCheese: Okay but I defend James sometimes

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Y EA H ONLY JAMES THo

HamAndCheese: B)

User.Name: I’m more concerned I just got threatened by Peggy? I thought she was pure and anti-violence

HamAndCheese: OH GOD NO. Once Lee was insulting me (like usual) and Peggy kicked him to the ground and was just like so violent.

MommaDuck: NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THAT

WhoGaveYouTheRight: NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO

HamAndCheese: oops

FireIsDangerousChildren: I just wanted to have a nice time at Panera with Maria and my phone doesn’t shut up and I swear you are all annoying shits

FireIsDangerousChildren: Also congrats Aaron now you can deal with Thomas and James’ shit instead of us

MagentaIsAColorAlex: RUDE

CurrentlyDyingThanks: The blue one isn’t wrong

FireIsDangerousChildren: No one asked James

HamAndCheese: ‘Liza babe u feelin alright?

FireIsDangerousChildren: No because Maria is sleeping on me and it’s cute and I’m mad

HamAndCheese: Dilemmas only Eliza can have 

FireIsDangerousChildren: Fight me Alexander

HamAndCheese: Shit im scared now she used _the name_

User.Name: Wow I like Eliza when she’s mad

FireIsDangerousChildren: Thanks fuckface

MommaDuck: ELIZA THERE IS A CHILD IN THE CHAT

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Angie please I am not a child

MommaDuck: Yeah you are

HamAndCheese: Hey idea: Lets invite Washington to the chat!

MagentaIsAColorAlex: NO WH AT BAD IDEA

**HamAndCheese has added Best to the chat**

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Damn it Alex

HamAndCheese: B)

Best: I’m scared

WhoGaveYouTheRight: You should be Mr.Washington

MommaDuck: Wow I forgot you are really smol oh god I apologize George she is teeny baby

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Disrespected


	2. BABE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SIERRA SUGGESTED THIS AND IT'S CUTE OH MY GOD NEW OTP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NAMES-  
> Alexander=HamAndCheese  
> John=Dont  
> Herc=ZeroToHero  
> Laf=FrenchiestFry  
> Angelica=MommaDuck  
> Eliza=FireIsDangerousChildren  
> Peggy=WhoGaveYouTheRight  
> Thomas=MagentaIsAColorAlex  
> James=CurrentlyDyingThanks  
> Burr=User.name  
> Maria=Gaylo.Ren  
> Washington=Best

HamAndCheese: Thomas I don’t normally ask you for favors. Or anything really. But could you tell Aaron he’s wrong.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: No???? Why would I do that???

HamAndCheese: Because he’s wrong

MagentaIsAColorAlex: How is he wrong.

HamAndCheese: He said I was skinny

FireIsDangerousChildren: ALEXANDER HAMILTON

MommaDuck: ALEX MY SON, MY PRECIOUS DUCKLING

WhoGaveYouTheRight: A L E X

HamAndCheese: He said I was skinny and he was jealous and I laughed and he says he’s serious like wow he’s wrong

MagentaIsAColorAlex: ALEXANDER NO DONT DENY THAT HE ISN'T WRONG

HamAndCheese: Oh god Thomas actually cares about me for once I’m genuinely scared

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Because it’s serious??? Like??? Please don’t think like that.

HamAndCheese: Okay now I’m scared.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: James has these same issues so it concerns the hell out of me.

WhoGaveYouTheRight: See this is why I like Thomas. He can have feelings sometimes.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Peggy that was both a compliment and disrespectful.

WhoGaveYouTheRight: B)

CurrentlyDyingThanks: Th O M AS

MagentaIsAColorAlex: oh right that was a secret or something

CurrentlyDyingThanks: Divorced

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Please don't I love you and you know I do

CurrentlyDyingThanks: fuck you

MagentaIsAColorAlex: B)

CurrentlyDyingThanks: AN Y WAY ALEX HOW YOU DOING

HamAndCheese: I can relate right there. I’m doing decent I guess? Aaron is still complimenting me and I can’t stand how wrong he is. He literally just said I wrote better like HA at that.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: I swear to fuck if he is flirting.

CurrentlyDyingThanks: yeah I was thinking that too. 

HamAndCheese: Oh shit he might be. He looks really awkward. I’m calling him out on this bullshittery

MagentaIsAColorAlex: He’s making up words again.

HamAndCheese: ….

HamAndCheese: He just suggested

HamAndCheese: THE WORST IDEA EVER

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Oh god he did not

CurrentlyDyingThanks: IM CRYING HE ACTUALLY DID IT

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Whelp I’m gonna go to sleep and never wake the fuck up

User.Name: Hey you weren’t gonna fucking do it and obviously James was to much of a wuss so I stood up.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: AARON BABY I LOVE YOU BUT WHEN I SAID THOSE THINGS I KINDA EXPECTED THE THINGS TO GO AWAY AND NOW THEY CAN’T

HamAndCheese: Do not tell me that was Thomas’ idea

Dont: Oooh I wanna know!

ZeroToHero: Same

FrenchiestFry: Yeah tbh me too.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: NO YOU DON’T

CurrentlyDyingThanks: THOMAS HONEY IM CRYING THIS IS GREAT

MagentaIsAColorAlex: YOU ARE LAUGHING IM ACTUALLY CRYING

CurrentlyDyingThanks: yeah this is kinda bullying i mean its not like he LITERALLY CONFESSED EVERYTHING

User.Name: Fuck you I did you a favor.

HamAndCheese: It was Thomas’ idea wow okAY THEN THAT CHANGES A LOT OF THINGS

Dont: Alex babe explain

ZeroToHero: Yeah please what did TJeff’s do now

FrenchiestFry: ^^^^^^

HamAndCheese: Honestly I think I’d feel really bad if I shared it?? It’s weird but like...it’s something that changes my mind on a LOT of shit and I’m just confused.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: wait really?

HamAndCheese: I mean it’s...shocking? And strange. But you know...not a totally bad idea like I first thought.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: w A I T WHAT

HamAndCheese: Ok AY HEAR ME OUT, I’D MAYBE BE CHILL IF JOHN, LAF, AND HERC AGREED

Dont: Alex what im so confused

HamAndCheese: Okay here it goes...with Thomas’ permission

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Go ahead. I’m panicking enough as it is.

HamAndCheese: OKAY SO

HamAndCheese: Apparently Thomas has liked all four of us for a while now. And James has as well. Aaron talked to them about this and said he felt something too. The idea was… oh god how do i word this right

User.Name: Same way I said it to you.

HamAndCheese: A seven people relationship is the best kind.

Dont: Wait. wA IT. W A I T.

ZeroToHero: OH MY GOD THOMAS HAS FEELINGS THAT’S CUTE

ZeroToHero: i just called thomas cute and honestly I think that’s proof I’m on board

Dont: W A I T

Dont: okay I’m still struggling to process the fact that Herc, Laf, and Alex like me. Now TJeffs, JMads, and ABurr like me????? I’m….so….fucking hell yeah I’m on board!

HamAndCheese: Laf?

FrenchiestFry: I am French. That should be answer enough. 

MagentaIsAColorAlex: You guys aren’t fucking with me right is this real

HamAndCheese: I would never. You have actual feelings and I appreciate that.

User.Name: AHA! I did us a favor!

CurrentlyDyingThanks: Yeah he’s right about that.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Okay now I’m seriously crying is this actually happening?

HamAndCheese: Friday, 8 PM. You have the address already because Aaron works on a lot of projects with me. All three of you fuckers better be here with PJs, pillows, and blankets.

Best: Does this mean I can actually teach class without Thomas and Alex arguing?

MagentaIsAColorAlex: HA

HamAndCheese: PL EAS E I still have some sense in my body.

Best: Worth a shot.

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Oh

FireIsDangerousChildren: My

MommaDuck: GOD

MommaDuck: IS THIS HAPPENING IM CRYING LOOK MY CHILDREN

WhoGaveYouTheRight: THOMAS HONEY I TOLD YOU ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS ASK

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Y E A H I KNOW YOu’RE ALWAYS RIGHT PEGGY

FireIsDangerousChildren: H AN G ON MARIA HAS TO SEE THIS

**FireIsDangerousChildren added Gaylo.Ren to the chat**

FireIsDangerousChildren: HON LOOK IT’S REAL

Gaylo.Ren: You owe me thirty bucks and ten kisses

FireIsDangerousChildren: Yeah I know.

HamAndCheese: DI D YOU SERIOUSLY BET ON THIS

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Yeah. Maria and I bet it would happen. Angie and Eliza didn’t think so.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: I feel so supported yet unsupported

Dont: SHHH ITS OKAY

ZeroToHero: WE SUPPORT YOU

FrenchiestFry: ALL THE WAY

HamAndCheese: WE BELIEVE IN YOU

CurrentlyDyingThanks: Thomas is literally crying happy tears into my shirt this is the happiest I’ve seen him in like two years 

HamAndCheese: wait what he’s always got a smug ass grin on?? He’s the happiest dude in school

CurrentlyDyingThanks: mmmm not really actually

WhoGaveYouTheRight: th O M A S MY SON OH GOD

Dont: BABE

ZeroToHero: BABE

FrenchiestFry: BABE

HamAndCheese: BABE

User.Name: BABE

CurrentlyDyingThanks: BABE

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Friday. I will be there don’t worry.

CurrentlyDyingThanks: MMmhm totally

User.Name: As if I wouldn’t go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SIERRA THANK YOU HONEY FOR THIS IDEA
> 
> JENNI THANKS FOR MARIA'S USER AND WRITING HALF OF THIS
> 
> I LOVE THESE TWO


	3. Lee you are a lost cause

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaylo.Ren: “Your hair is a nice color today. Not t hA T ISNT NICE ANY OTHER DAY.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME.
> 
> Lee.The.Bee: Wait that was flirting
> 
> Gaylo.Ren: Wow you are worse at reading flirting than Sam is at actually flirting
> 
> KING: Not gonna lie that is really true.
> 
> Seaberries: GEORGIE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO SUPPORT ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NAMES-  
> Alexander=HamAndCheese  
> John=Dont  
> Herc=ZeroToHero  
> Laf=FrenchiestFry  
> Angelica=MommaDuck  
> Eliza=FireIsDangerousChildren  
> Peggy=WhoGaveYouTheRight  
> Thomas=MagentaIsAColorAlex  
> James=CurrentlyDyingThanks  
> Burr=User.name  
> Maria=Gaylo.Ren  
> Washington=Best  
> Charles Lee=Lee.The.Bee  
> George the third= KING  
> Samuel Seabury=Seaberries

**MagentaIsAColorAlex sent the file hELPME.jpeg to the group**

MommaDuck: Is

MommaDuck: Is that Alex?

MagentaIsAColorAlex: ye AH. He fell asleep at midnight and has been holding me like a fucking koala since.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: It’s really cute tbh I love this

Best: How’d you get him to sleep?

MagentaIsAColorAlex: I don’t really know? We were kinda talking about the worst puns someone has ever told us and he kinda just grabbed my sides and curled up and slept.

ZeroToHero: How are you breathing that kid has a grip

MagentaIsAColorAlex: I don’t think I am but that’s okay because he is sleeping and that is a good thing.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Btw did Aaron kick you and John last night Herc? Because he has that issue

ZeroToHero: Ha not me bc John was the middle

Dont: Yeah thanks hon. But it wasn’t bad once I fell asleep because I’m a deep sleeper.

MommaDuck: Wait why are you messaging each other

Dont: Laf, Alex, Aaron, and James are fast asleep. It’s cute and we refuse to wake them

Gaylo.Ren: Well you fucking woke me

Dont: Oops

Gaylo.Ren: Yeah oops you little shit I was kind of enjoying sleeping in

MommaDuck: Guys Peggy is in this group care about the child

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Angie I’m not that much younger

MommaDuck: You’re awake?

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Never went to sleep

MommaDuck: PEGGY

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Hey if Alex can go four days without sleep and not get yelled at I can go one night

MommaDuck: We dont yell at Alex because he is the sweet son we protect and yelling is child abuse

WhoGaveYouTheRight: DISRESPECTED

FireIsDangerousChildren: Rip Peggy. No one loved her.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Excuse you I will not let my mom be attacked in this way. If James were awake I’m sure he’d agree.

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Thanks son

ZeroToHero: Angelica isn’t wrong Peggy you are young but Alex has issues

WhoGaveYouTheRight: I

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Fuck I can’t really argue.

CurrentlyDyingThanks: I wake up and Laf is like almost absorbing me they’re so tall

ZeroToHero: Ikr? They’re lovely.

User.Name: Are Laf and Alex the only once asleep

HamAndCheese: Nope just Laf.

CurrentlyDyingThanks: fuck

HamAndCheese: Hey at least you can breath okay I am so short Laf literally curls all the way around me. I have almost been suffocated by them on multiple accounts.

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Even during my dad’s class they smother you. You are just a good person to cuddle.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: You’re telling me

HamAndCheese: WHY IS THOMAS EVEN TALLER THIS IS UN FUCKING FAIR

WhoGaveYouTheRight: HA

HamAndCheese: Lee just messaged me. He wants advice about how to go about explaining and getting into a poly relationship

Dont: Wait really

HamAndCheese: yeh

CurrentlyDyingThanks: SWEE T UN HOL Y JESUS CHRIST

FrenchiestFry: Sorry James

MommaDuck: Wait what

CurrentlyDyingThanks: LAF ALMOST THREW ME THROUGH THE GODDAMN ROOF BY WAKING UP.

HamAndCheese: “Alexander please help me I will let you be right for two weeks if you do.”

HamAndCheese: damn guys I can’t refuse this offer should I invite him in? We’ll kick him soon as he explains himself

MommaDuck: Why not. He may suck but as a mom even I gotta admit he can be cool

**HamAndCheese added Lee.The.Bee to the chat**

Gaylo.Ren: Sup dickweed

HamAndCheese: Maria giving welcome tidings again

HamAndCheese: But anyway Lee say your thing because the faster you get the advice you need the faster we dont have to speak.

Lee.The.Bee: It has come to my attention that most of you are in poly relationships. I would like ask how to go about explaining this concept and asking people out in this term.

Gaylo.Ren: Lee who you like?

Lee.The.Bee: Seabury and the King

HamAndCheese: OH MY GOD I TOLD YOU GUYS

Gaylo.Ren: Ahah and ya’ll said Alex and I were crazy

MommaDuck: Shit I owe so much money

CurrentlyDyingThanks: Damn Thomas and me do as well

HamAndCheese: I’ll let you pay it off with cuddles and letting me pick the movie

CurrentlyDyingThanks: DE AL

HamAndCheese: Oh right we need to help Lee. JO HN YOU TALK YOU DEALT WITH THIS WHOLE SITUATION WITH ME

Dont: Oh damn okay. I guess just talk to them? They aren’t close-minded so they’ll listen for sure.

HamAndCheese: That was beautiful.

Lee.The.Bee: Talking isn’t my strong suit

HamAndCheese: Yeah but you can’t punch them into liking you.

Lee.The.Bee: Fine I’ll give it a shot but I will punch you if this doesn’t work

Best: Not happening son

HamAndCheese: AHA I knew having GWash in this chat would be useful

Dont: Nice

______________________________________

Lee.The.Bee: They don't understand

Gaylo.Ren: fucking hell

**Gaylo.Ren has added KING and Seaberries to the chat**

KING: what is this

Gaylo.Ren: It’s Maria Reynolds here. I’m gonna tell you two some shit so sit down

Dont: oh my god Maria please

Gaylo.Ren: A polyamory relationship is three or more people in a relationship together. Not cheating, everyone is dating everyone. Lee has liked both of you for some time now and was wondering if you were open to this.

KING: See Sammy I told you he would need help

Seaberries: yeah yeah okay at least I had confidence in him

Lee.The.Bee: Wait what

HamAndCheese: oH m Y GOD THIS IS GREAT

Gaylo.Ren: Okay for real am I the ONLY one to notice Sam sucks at flirting

Seaberries: Fucking rude

Gaylo.Ren: “Your hair is a nice color today. Not t hA T ISNT NICE ANY OTHER DAY.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

Lee.The.Bee: Wait that was flirting

Gaylo.Ren: Wow you are worse at reading flirting than Sam is at actually flirting

KING: Not gonna lie that is really true.

Seaberries: GEORGIE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO SUPPORT ME

KING: eh. Anyway on the actual reason we were thrown in this hell-hole. Lee I am really surprised it took you this long to do anything. Sam and I have been flirting since the beginning of last year.

Lee.The.Bee: oh really?

Gaylo.Ren: I love this oh my god Lee you are so pathetic.

Lee.The.Bee: Ow

KING: Did it never strike you as the littlest bit obvious when I nicknamed you “precious bumblebee.” Like come on man it’s your user right now.

Lee.The.Bee: Oh

Gaylo.Ren: Holy shit Lee you are a lost cause. I’m doing this for you. “King” George Fredrickson the Third and Samuel Seabury, would you be so gracious to allow Lee into your relationship

KING: Duh

Seaberries: Totally

Gaylo.Ren: Lee, your response

Lee.The.Bee: Ice cream after class Monday?

KING: I’ll be there

Seaberries: Wouldn’t miss it for the world 

Gaylo.Ren: DONE SEE THIS ISN’T HARD PEOPLE

FireIsDangerousChildren: Maria I love you and this is exactly why

Gaylo.Ren: See am I not the best

HamAndCheese: Me and my six other boyfriends agree you are the best

Best: Even I think you’re the best

Gaylo.Ren: AHA

Seaberries: Wait six. Alexander I thought you only had three

HamAndCheese: Shit.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: _ALEXANDER_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sierra wrote half of this instead of cuddling with me and Jenni and watching the tonys okay I love her
> 
> ALSO CONGRATS HAM! AN OUTSTANDING 16 NOMINATIONS AND 11 WINS!!!


	4. Momliza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaylo.Ren: I am mom now i must be responsible 
> 
> KING: Will you stop calling me dickweed now
> 
> Gaylo.Ren: Just because I’m a resposible mom doesn’t mean im adult
> 
> KING: Won’t argue there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NAMES-  
> Alexander=HamAndCheese  
> John=Dont  
> Herc=ZeroToHero  
> Laf=FrenchiestFry  
> Angelica=MommaDuck  
> Eliza=FireIsDangerousChildren  
> Peggy=WhoGaveYouTheRight  
> Thomas=MagentaIsAColorAlex  
> James=CurrentlyDyingThanks  
> Burr=User.name  
> Maria=Gaylo.Ren  
> Washington=Best  
> Charles Lee=Lee.The.Bee  
> George the third= KING  
> Samuel Seabury=Seaberries

KING: What’s the definition of hippopotmus

Gaylo.Ren: It is three in the morning

KING: ‘a large thick-skinned semiaquatic African mammal, with massive jaws and large tusks.’

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Have you guys seen an echidna’s penis?

Gaylo.Ren: THREE

Gaylo.Ren: IN THE

Gaylo.Ren: MORNING

Dont: Thomas is basically a giant pillow pet im crying this is so nice

Dont: Oh wow i feel bad for female echidnas

KING: o damn

Gaylo.Ren: jfc i hate all of you

FrenchiestFry: James and Aaron have grabbed hold onto me and it’s so nice oh god

Dont: Oh wow they have claimed you im crying

Gaylo.Ren: THREE

Gaylo.Ren: IN

Gaylo.Ren: THE

Gaylo.Ren: MORNING

KING: cac·tus ‘a succulent plant with a thick, fleshy stem that typically bears spines, lacks leaves, and has brilliantly colored flowers. Cacti are native to arid regions of the New World and are cultivated elsewhere, especially as houseplants.’

KING: Cacti and hippos are both thicc

dont: Members of the thicc family with Herc

FrenchiestFry: yeah but i wont fuck a cactus or a hippo

dont: tru

KING: marsh·mal·low ‘a spongy confection made from a soft mixture of sugar, albumen, and gelatin.’

dont: Albumen sounds like a gay bar

KING: ‘egg white, or the protein contained in it.’

FrenchiestFry: protein and albumen are also related to Herc

Dont: Thomas is a teddy bear i love

Gaylo.Ren: Ahem mind if i share the title of my favorite book

KING: do please

dont: le go

FrenchiestFry: ye

Gaylo.Ren: GO THE F*CK TO SLEEP

KING: yeah that is a good book

Gaylo.Ren: we have first period together mister i will hurt you

dont: s’cuse you i am trying to sleep

Gaylo.Ren: dO n T Pu SH YOR Luc K

____________________________________________

MagentaIsAColorAlex: i am not a teddy bear or a pillow pet

HamAndCheese: yeh you are

HamAndCheese: so are Aaron and James

HamAndCheese: You guys are just our three lil pillows

MommaDuck: I want children

HamAndCheese: You have 12

MommaDuck: *10, Thomas and James are my grandchildren

WhoGaveYouTheRight: B) They my sons

MommaDuck: But no like an actual child. Idk why but this girl in my third period has a daughter and they’re really cute

User.name: you mean Theo? Or Adrienne?

MommaDuck: wait who

FrenchiestFry: is the child a tiny female Aaron or a teeny me

MommaDuck: smol Aaron

User.name: Yeah that’s Theo.

FireIsDangerousChildren: Maria should I tell them

Gaylo.Ren: Wai t did you really decide

FireIsDangerousChildren: Well I met Theo and Adrienne and they convinced me

Gaylo.Ren: !!!!!! Tell them yes oh my god im so happy hon

MommaDuck: Eliza…

FireIsDangerousChildren: Remember the...incident?

MommaDuck: yeah…

FireIsDangerousChildren: He may or may not have gotten me pregnant

MommaDuck: wh A T

WhoGaveYouTheRight: LIZA

HamAndCheese: wait fo R REALL

FireIsDangerousChildren: Yeah. Origionally I was gonna get rid of it but lately ive been thinking. This could be good you know? I have a stable job and money, I’ve got Maria by my side and you all.

MommaDuck: PEGGY We’ RE GONNA BE AUNTS

WhoGaveYouTheRight: AHHHHHH ELIZA IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU <333

HamAndCheese: LIZA BABY OH MY GOD

FrenchiestFry: TEENY ELIZ A WILL BE SO CUTE

User.name: !!!!!!

HamAndCheese: Have any name ideas?

FireIsDangerousChildren: Yes actually. Phillipa for a girl and Phillip for a boy.

HamAndCheese: awww those are cute

Gaylo.Ren: I am mom now i must be responsible 

KING: Will you stop calling me dickweed now

Gaylo.Ren: Just because I’m a resposible mom doesn’t mean im adult

KING: Won’t argue there.

Best: Oh wow congrats Eliza. Should you have any questions Martha will gladly answer them

FireIsDangerousChildren: I may to you up on that offer

ZeroToHero: I go for doughnuts and come back to this shit

HanAndCheese: Don worry Herc baby I’ll catch you up.

ZeroToHero: Thanks

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Hey speaking of Theo and Adrienne did you know they’re dating?

FireIsDangerousChildren: How’d you find this out

WhoGaveYouTheRight: They just asked me out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My queen Minnie recently announced she was keeping her baby after she got pregnant from being raped. I wrote this in support for her <3 I made it Eliza because that's her favorite historical woman and she's loved Phillipa for some time now! Hope you enjoy!


	5. Mom fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WhoGaveYouTheRight: YES! I knew my son wouldn’t disappoint. Not to mention it’s so obvious Alex is a bottom bitch.
> 
> HamAndCheese: I have my phone right next to me.
> 
> WhoGaveYouTheRight: I’m not wrong sweetie and you know it
> 
> HamAndCheese: Fuck you
> 
> WhoGaveYouTheRight: HA
> 
> dont: that was never a secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NAMES-  
> Alexander=HamAndCheese  
> John=Dont  
> Herc=ZeroToHero  
> Laf=FrenchiestFry  
> Angelica=MommaDuck  
> Eliza=FireIsDangerousChildren  
> Peggy=WhoGaveYouTheRight  
> Thomas=MagentaIsAColorAlex  
> James=CurrentlyDyingThanks  
> Burr=User.name  
> Maria=Gaylo.Ren  
> Washington=Best  
> Charles Lee=Lee.The.Bee  
> George the third= KING  
> Samuel Seabury=Seaberries

HamAndCheese: Shakira is hot not gonna lie

MagentaIsAColorAlex: How’d this come up?

HamAndCheese: Maria said I needed better music so she downloaded a ton of Shakira for me

Gaylo.Ren: He’s not lying Shakira is really hot

WhoGaveYouTheRight: mmm that’s true. I mean like she doesn’t even try. She just is.

HamAndCheese: High quality woman

Gaylo.Ren: fuck eliza and I have tutoring today

HamAndCheese: You said you liked it though?

Gaylo.Ren: yeah when it was just three hours of making out because the kids didn’t bother to show up. Now this one kid wants to do good so I actually have to teach him shit.

HamAndCheese: Better than dealing with Mr. Schuyler. His class is the one class I get to see all six of my lovely boyfriends and he separated us.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: We weren’t even arguing for once. Just discussing different views very loudly.

Gaylo.Ren: You’d think being besties with the sisters would help

HamAndCheese: I think it made it worse. He may think we’re trying to date them

Gaylo.Ren: Then just prove how extreamly fucking gay you are

HamAndCheese: I have. Literally every time I walk through that door Laf has the need to smother me with kisses because it’s our only class.

FireIsDangerousChildren: Maria you are twenty minutes late.

Gaylo.Ren: SHIT

__________________________________________

dont: We actually had a civil class today good job you two

HamAndCheese: I almost stabbed Lee

Lee.The.Bee: Hey I am not wrong alright

HamAndCheese: Yeah you are but I’m sick of sitting by you so I stayed quiet.

FrenchiestFry: I sit in the very back row it’s bullshit. He’s too old to have this big a class.

dont: one more period and then we can watch a ton of movies together and cuddle

HamAndCheese: yay!

FrenchiestFry: Herc lost his phone again but he says he will gladly take part in this (although he knows he doesn't have a choice)

HamAndCheese: Can we watch Grease?

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Yes please! I personally think all the T-Birds are gay

dont: who doesn’t.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: True.

__________________________________________

dont: boi they gonna do it

User.Name: fucking finally it’s been four weeks now.

MommaDuck: What ya’ll going on about

dont: Thomas and Alex are the only two who haven't kissed each other. Right now they’ve started ignoring the movie and are just staring at each other.

WhoGaveYouTheRight: I bet you guys twenty bucks and two free starbucks drinks that Thomas makes the first move.

MommaDuck: I bet you thirty bucks, three free starbucks drinks, and a week's worth of no homework passes Alex does.

dont: mom fight. Who child is gonna win.

dont: oh Oh OH Thomas made the ever so slightest fucking movement to Alex like he flinched at him.

WhoGaveYouTheRight: OOOOO

User.Name: Alex keeps biting his lower lip and flicking his eyes down to Thomas’ this is stupidly cute.

MommaDuck: GO ALEX! WIN ME SOME STARBUCKS!

dont: op oP OP THERE THEY GO

User.Name: FINALLY HO T DAMN

MommaDuck: Which momma won

dont: Peggy did

WhoGaveYouTheRight: YES! I knew my son wouldn’t disappoint. Not to mention it’s so obvious Alex is a bottom bitch.

HamAndCheese: I have my phone right next to me.

WhoGaveYouTheRight: I’m not wrong sweetie and you know it

HamAndCheese: Fuck you

WhoGaveYouTheRight: HA

dont: that was never a secret

HamAndCheese: Oh shut it you have no right to talk

dont: RUDE

HamAndCheese: ;) hey if I can’t have a secret you can’t either

dont: this is abuse

HamAndCheese: I’m going back to kissing Thomas now babe

dont: rude af. Tomorrow night you’re mine.

HamAndCheese: deal

MommaDuck: This shit is too gay for me.

Gaylo.Ren: I’m gay as fuck and it’s too gay for me.

FireIsDangerousChildren: Hey at least they’re happy for once in their life.

MommaDuck: Yeah that’s really true. Alex isn’t passive-depressive anymore.

Gaylo.Ren: mmhmm. He actually seeks help.

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Same with James and Thomas tbh.

MommaDuck: look at our happy sons

Gaylo.Ren: Did we ever actually decide who was the mom to Laf, Aaron, Herc, and John?

FireIsDangerousChildren: I think Laf and Herc have adopted me as their momma.

Gaylo.Ren: Shit that leaves me with Aaron and John. These two will not be good for mom practice. Who wants to trade.

MommaDuck: You can’t trade children Maria

Gaylo.Ren: Shit

WhoGaveYouTheRight: I would never trade my sons for the world. 

MommaDuck: Shit I only have one son.

MommaDuck: ScreW IT. Seabury, Lee, and Georgie you are my children.

Seaberries: I didn’t consent to this

KING: I’m chill. I heard Alex gets free things because of it.

MommaDuck: I’m the oldest of my sisters so I get more money than I can handle so I will spoil my kids.

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Yeah well money can’t buy happiness.

KING: It can buy me a new blanket and that’s good enough.

Seaberries: I just bought you one.

KING: Hey okay you are “waiting” and that’s bullshit enough and Lee works nights.

Gaylo.Ren: None of us needed to know this

Seaberries: what did I do to deserve this

KING: You’re gay alright our lives are never easy

Seaberries: i hate everything right about now

WhoGaveYouTheRight: oh fuck I have a date tomorrow

MommaDuck: Every second I spend talking to you guys is another dead brain cell

FireIsDangerousChildren: Hey not fault you’ve got four kids and a group chat to manage

MommaDuck: wake me up (wake me up inside) i cant wake up

MagentaIsAColorAlex: WHY WERE YOU BETTING ON ME AND ALEX AGAIN

MommaDuck: I’m gonna go to sleep now

FireIsDangerousChilren: It’s only 9

MommaDuck: Way past my bullshit dealing time gOOD NIGHT

WhoGaveYouTheRight: I refuse to take part in this chat tomorrow

FireIsDangerousChildren: Hey you gotta tell us how the date went at least

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Fine but that is it

FireIsDangerousChildren: Yay! Love ya sis!

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Yeah yeah yeah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to write this on my own since Sierra and Jenni were busy. so sorry it kinda sucks.


	6. Fuck that lil mouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaylo.Ren: no one likes Lee
> 
> Lee.The.Bee: rude
> 
> KING: I like him
> 
> Seaberries: me too!
> 
> Gaylo.Ren: your opinions don't matter

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Burr why didn't you tell me Theo was so funny

User.Name: topic never came up.

WhoGaveYouTheRight: well she is and I love her.

User.Name: what did you think about Adrienne?

WhoGaveYouTheRight: She’s excessively sweet and definitely a mom. Best thing is they didn't talk about their children the whole time.

User.Name: well that’s good.

WhoGaveYouTheRight: They’re nice but I don't know how long I can do this. I'm so young. They’re both moms. It’s kinda scary.

User.Name: understandable

dont: does your dad know?

WhoGaveYouTheRight: he doesn't even know about Eliza and Maria. Trust me I'm not gonna tell him about me.

dont: he’s not a homophobe though.

WhoGaveYouTheRight: yeah he is. He just uses other excuses for being mean. Like you six. He didn't split you all up because of the arguing.

HamAndCheese: so you’re saying my four days worth of not arguing was for nothing

WhoGaveYouTheRight: yeah pretty much.

HamAndCheese: MOTHER FUCKER

dont: rip Alex he was the smolest babe

HamAndCheese: I'm taller than you

dont: size doesn't matter ;)

ZeroToHero: who is the tallest

HamAndCheese: Thomas. Laf is like two inches shorter tho.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: B) size does matter in this bed

HamAndCheese: AM I THE ONLY ONE UNCOMFORTABLE TALKING ABOUT OUR SEX LIFE

dont: yeah tbh

HamAndCheese: fuck

Gaylo.Ren: I will talk about your sex life any day of the week. Ya’ll are my science experiment.

HamAndCheese: yet you’ve punched Lee in the face for talking about his

Gaylo.Ren: no one likes Lee

Lee.The.Bee: rude

KING: I like him

Seaberries: me too!

Gaylo.Ren: your opinions don't matter

Gaylo.Ren: back to the seven science experiments. Since we’re on the topic, do tell who tops and who bottoms.

HamAndCheese: Ya’ll better not

MagentaIsAColorAlex: We’re gonna.

HamAndCheese: fine but if you lie I'm correcting you.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: fine

MagentaIsAColorAlex: okay well lemme tell ya Alex is the bottom all the time mk that is no question.

dont: it's true. I’m basically a bottom but not to Alex because that boy

HamAndCheese: RUDE

dont: we didn't lie

HamAndCheese: I

HamAndCheese: fuck.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Laf and I top always

FrenchiestFry: *finger guns*

dont: and everyone else is a switch

MommaDuck: why are we being told this

Gaylo.Ren: science

MommaDuck: wake me up(wake up inside) I can't wake up

__________________________________________

HamAndCheese: my six lovely babes are any of you allergic to cats and dogs

User.Name: no

dont: nope

CurrentlyDyingThanks: uh-uh

ZeroToHero: no

MagentaIsAColorAlex: nada

FrenchiestFry: negative

HamAndCheese: nice

User.Name: what was that about Alex

User.Name: Alex don't you fucking dare

User.Name: if I walk in that door to a cat and a dog later today I'm gonna scream

__________________________________________

User.Name: AAAAAAAAAAAA

HamAndCheese: six to one honey we’re keeping them

MommaDuck: keeping who exactly?

User.Name: Alex adopted a puppy and a kitten because they were supposed to be adopted together and it was only 50 bucks for both of them

MommaDuck: !!!!! Show me!!!

**User.Name sent the file DuckAndAlbatraoz.jpeg to the group**

MommaDuck: BABIES. So you named them Duck and Albatross?

HamAndCheese: yep! Our little husky girl is Duck and then the tortoiseshell kitten boy is Albatraoz.

MommaDuck: Albatraoz? Don't you mean Albatross

HamAndCheese: nope Albatraoz

MommaDuck: that isn't a word. Why would you name him that

HamAndCheese: well see there's a mouse in our apartment i've name laurie. But fuck that lil mouse because he’s an Albatraoz.

MommaDuck: I fucking hate you

HamAndCheese: B)

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Duck is getting a bandana ya’ll better not argue

HamAndCheese: yall

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Screw you

HamAndCheese: ;)


	7. Dick #2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HamAndCheese: awwww looks like Seabury and I will have to explain some things
> 
> Seaberries: excuse you
> 
> HamAndCheese: you heard me bottom brother
> 
> Seaberries: never call me that again
> 
> HamAndCheese: suit yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NAMES-  
> Alexander=HamAndCheese  
> John=Dont  
> Herc=ZeroToHero  
> Laf=FrenchiestFry  
> Angelica=MommaDuck  
> Eliza=FireIsDangerousChildren  
> Peggy=WhoGaveYouTheRight  
> Thomas=MagentaIsAColorAlex  
> James=CurrentlyDyingThanks  
> Burr=User.name  
> Maria=Gaylo.Ren  
> Washington=Best  
> Charles Lee=Lee.The.Bee  
> George the third= KING  
> Samuel Seabury=Seaberries  
> James Reynolds= PayThePiper  
> ________________________

MommaDuck: if one of you asshats doesn't tell me what happened to my son I am breaking your legs

Gaylo.Ren: he’s fine Angie

Gaylo.Ren: he just sorta has a black eye and an almost broken jaw

MommaDuck: THAT IS NOT FINE

MagentaIsAColorAlex: He’s sleeping now and I’m struggling to keep John from going out there and killing the guy who hurt Alex

MommaDuck: who'd that be?

Gaylo.Ren: Dick #2

MommaDuck: aaaaaa yeah okay I'm just gonna go stab him

FireIsDangerousChildren: Who the hell is dick number two

Gaylo.Ren: James Reynolds

FireIsDangerousChildren: you say that as if he isn't your brother

Gaylo.Ren: bc 1) I'm adopted so he’s not and 2) I hate him he literally just attacked Alex bc Alex and I were ‘too close to each other’

FireIsDangerousChildren: really??? He’s so nice to me

Gaylo.Ren: he has a hetero crush on you

WhoGaveYouTheRight: eww

WhoGaveYouTheRight: also if my sons and my sister’s and Maria’s sons aren't protecting Angie’s son there will be grounding

MangetaIsAColorAlex: we’re all here with him. I'm the only one on my phone bc everyone has jobs to take care of him and mine is updating you all

Gaylo.Ren: you all. What happened to y’all

MagentaIsAColorAlex: fucking rude

MommaDuck: Either way keep him alive thanks

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Don’t worry, Duck and Alba are cuddling with him so he’ll be perfectly fine.

MommaDuck: nice  
__________________________________________

HamAndCheese: Why do black eyes hurt so much i hate this

HamAndCheese: Also Maria why is your brother suck a dick

Gaylo.Ren: I was once told you act like what you dont have

**FireIsDangerousChildren added PayThePiper to the chat**

PayThePiper: MARIA TREAT YOUR BROTHER, WHO IS ME, WITH MORE RESPECT

Gaylo.Ren: ‘Liza dearest why did you add him

FireIsDangerousChildren: Because if he’s gonna deny how gay he is then he can sit here and realize it

PayThePiper: Excuse you?

FireIsDangerousChildren: Don’t lie. I have seen the way you stare at guys.

Gaylo.Ren: Really? He never even glances at dudes around me.

FireIsDangerousChildren: Around me whenever we have to work together he’s always staring and biting his lip and in general he looks like John when he sees Alex in a new outfit

dont: I dont do that

HamAndCheese: yeah you do

HamAndCheese: it's cute I like it. I am also very gay

PayThePiper: that better not be Hamilton

HamAndCheese: it me. Also my six other boyfriends are in this chat. And the king squad

PayThePiper: shit

KING: Alex I have never agreed with you before but should you need me to ban him from the school I will

HamAndCheese: by that you mean Sam will do it?

KING: no I mean me.

HamAndCheese: oooo Reynolds you better watch the fuck out I got the King on my side.

Gaylo.Ren: it's like world war 2 all over again

FireIsDangerousChildren: Maria’s hip bones are really pretty

Gaylo.Ren: what

FireIsDangerousChildren: I'm watching you not do your job of stacking books and your hip bones are hot

HamAndCheese: female and skinny male hip bones are the real meaning to life

FrenchiestFry: B)

HamAndCheese: Laf’s are the best

Gaylo.Ren: no argument here. I've seen theirs.

PayThePiper: I've been forgotten

Gaylo.Ren: i see you across the library struggling to flirt

PayThePiper: this is hard

Gaylo.Ren: that is because you’re flirting with Angelica who not only is not interested in a relationship, she’s also a woman

PayThePiper: What does her being a woman have to do with it

Gaylo.Ren: you’re a bottom bitch and u can't bottom to a woman despite how domaniate she may be. You’re gay bro.

PayThePiper: the hell is a bottom bitch

HamAndCheese: awwww looks like Seabury and I will have to explain some things

Seaberries: excuse you

HamAndCheese: you heard me bottom brother

Seaberries: never call me that again

HamAndCheese: suit yourself.


	8. Dildo Bra™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> KING: BRITAIN!
> 
> best: USA
> 
> FrenchiestFry: FRANCE!
> 
> Seaberries: USA
> 
> KING: beTRAYAL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NAMES-  
> Alexander=HamAndCheese  
> John=Dont  
> Herc=ZeroToHero  
> Laf=FrenchiestFry  
> Angelica=MommaDuck  
> Eliza=FireIsDangerousChildren  
> Peggy=WhoGaveYouTheRight  
> Thomas=MagentaIsAColorAlex  
> James=CurrentlyDyingThanks  
> Burr=User.name  
> Maria=Gaylo.Ren  
> Washington=Best  
> Charles Lee=Lee.The.Bee  
> George the third= KING  
> Samuel Seabury=Seaberries  
> James Reynolds= PayThePiper  
> John Adams= MotherFuckStick

NAMES-  
Alexander=HamAndCheese  
John=Dont  
Herc=ZeroToHero  
Laf=FrenchiestFry  
Angelica=MommaDuck  
Eliza=FireIsDangerousChildren  
Peggy=WhoGaveYouTheRight  
Thomas=MagentaIsAColorAlex  
James=CurrentlyDyingThanks  
Burr=User.name  
Maria=Gaylo.Ren  
Washington=Best  
Charles Lee=Lee.The.Bee  
George the third= KING  
Samuel Seabury=Seaberries  
James Reynolds= PayThePiper  
John Adams= MotherFuckStick  
__________________________________________

HamAndCheese: USA

dont: USA

ZeroToHero: USA

MommaDuck: USA

FireIsDangerousChildren: USA

WhoGaveYouTheRight: USA

MagentaIsAColorAlex: USA

CurrentlyDyingThanks: USA

User.Name: USA

Gaylo.Ren: USA

Lee.The.Bee: USA

PayThePiper: USA

KING: BRITAIN!

best: USA

FrenchiestFry: FRANCE!

Seaberries: USA

KING: beTRAYAL

HamAndCheese: hey can we legally blow up tea boxes with sparklers?

best: afraid not son

HamAndCheese: fuckity fuck fuck fuck stick

**MotherFuckStick joined the chat**

MotherFuckStick: you rang?

HamAndCheese: how the hell

MotherFuckStick: tech major baby I got skills

HamAndCheese: nerd skills

MagentaIsAColorAlex: ROASTED

MotherFuckStick: you’re on my team Jefferson

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Since when

MotherFuckStick: since you became VP of the tech club.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: James dragged me into it. I was perfectly content as president of International Affairs.

MotherFuckStick: strange I remember how enthusiastic you were the day you joined

MagentaIsAColorAlex: I wanted a hot date. Now I got six hot dates and I don't need this dumb club. But the credits as VP are cool for future jobs.

HamAndCheese: these six hot dates are gonna throw flaming tea bags at the Brits

best: nope

HamAndCheese: daMN I T

KING: aha we win again

HamAndCheese: you do know people will prank you and Sam

Seaberries: not me. Im American today. I'm gonna stay dressed up as Uncle Sam all day

Lee.The.Bee: kinky

KING: beards are hot

Seaberries: don't you start too

PayThePiper: I'm alone someone be my friend for America day

MotherFuckStick: Ayee

PayThePiper: ew

HamAndCheese: lmao roast him

Gaylo.Ren: bro go get some. U know u love Adams.

PayThePiper: I was thinking more like Angelica or Peggy

MommaDuck: ew?

WhoGaveYouTheRight: No ur evil

MotherFuckStick: B)

PayThePiper: Maria can I hang w/ you and Eliza????

Gaylo.Ren: ehhhhh fine

FireIsDangerousChildren: You gotta leave when I tell you to tho

PayThePiper: why?

FireIsDangerousChildren: Fourth of July sex

HamAndCheese: I!!! FORGOT!! ABT! THAT!!!!

FireIsDangerousChildren: DID U EVEN DISCUSS THE RITUAL WITH THE NEW THREE

HamAndCheese: frickfrickfrick

MagentaIsAColorAlex: ritual?

dont: ohhhhh boy this will be very fun

ZeroToHero: wait I thought you were joking abt doing that this year

HamAndCheese: ITS FUN WHY WOULD WE SKIP!

ZeroToHero: ? Because Thomas, Aaron, and James???

HamAndCheese: they’re just as kinky as Eliza and I alright I'm sure this will resonate with them

User.Name: I'm concerned

HamAndCheese: Fourth of July sex is Eliza and my’s invention. It’s awesome

FrenchiestFry: AKA it somehow managed to get kinkier than me in the two years it’s existed

MagentaIsAColorAlex: ooo do tell

HamAndCheese: well every year Eliza and I buy really sexy America themed gifts for everyone in a relationship and we have fun with them.

dont: I'm the proud owner of two vibrators that sing the national anthem

HamAndCheese: B) remember the 16th with those

dont: I won that

HamAndCheese: I got a free blowjob bc you couldn't control yourself. I think I won.

FireIsDangerousChildren: yeah yeah okay Alex if we doing it we gotta gooooo and get the job done

Gaylo.Ren: ‘Liza hon don't get that weird bra again okay I'm gay for a reason

FireIsDangerousChildren: but I love dildo bra

Gaylo.Ren: ur bi, dicks are cool with you

HamAndCheese: can we get dildo bra as a gift for Theo and Adrienne?

WhoGaveYouTheRight: FireIsDangerousChildren sent the file HerculesTheSexTape.jpeg to the group

ZeroToHero: that's the stupid fukgin disney’s Herc and Meg animated sex tape isn't it

FireIsDangerousChildren: yeh

ZeroToHero: then yes I would

FrenchiestFry: I wouldn't

HamAndCheese: ;)

\----

HamAndCheese: ANGELICA IM SORRY I GAVE PEGGY THE DILDO BRA AND SHE WONT STOP LAUGHING 

WhoGaveYouTheRight: THI S IS THE BEST INVENTION EVER

Gaylo.Ren: I have three if you want them lmao

MommaDuck: ALEX WHY WOULD YOU GIVE HER THAT

HamAndCheese: ya know I'm not entirely sure

MagentaIsAColorAlex: ahem where’s all our shit

HamAndCheese: heheheheh

HamAndCheese: Eliza wish my boys luck

FireIsDangerousChildren: Oh damn u guys watch the fuck out. Especially u Laf, Alex is gotta plan and he's gonna see it through.

FrenchiestFry: whelp I'm excited

\----

FrenchiestFry: okay Alex what the fuck

FrenchiestFry: he’s goddamn asleep

FrenchiestFry: fuck I lost Herc

ZeroToHero: I'm making pancakes

FrenchiestFry: it's like four am

ZeroToHero: hey the world just got a whole lot sexier I'm making pancakes 

MommaDuck: the fuck did Alex do???

FrenchiestFry: he bought mostly BDSM toys? Like nothing serious just bondage and gags and other smaller shit

MommaDuck: and?

FrenchiestFry: well let's say guys never know how gay they really are until the bottom is the top because FUCK it was hot

ZeroToHero: John was having so much fun with Thomas

FrenchiestFry: Ya know I didn't think James would be up for it but shit man he was great

ZeroToHero: I got both Alex and Aaron and fuuuuuck in g hell I love

KING: Lee!!!! Did you see what Alex bought us

Lee.The.Bee: Yeah and I am not gonna be on the receiving end

KING: Rock paper scissors?

Lee.The.Bee: seems fair

Seaberries: the seven’s life is great, obviously Maria and Eliza are fine because they haven't spoken, aaaannd my boyfriends are play Rock Paper Scissors to see who's gonna control the vibrators Alex bought us

KING: one has a British flag. That's Sammy’s

MommaDuck: doesn't he get a choice if he wants to control it

KING: I learned to never let Sam control someone's sexual pleasures.

Seaberries ;)

MommaDuck: I'm really surprised GWash hasn't left the chat

best: I've forgotten how

HamAndCheese: oh well too bad ur stuck here

FrenchiestFry: wait Alex where'd u go?

HamAndCheese: I'm on the floor hiding the shit

FrenchiesrFry: mk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aytyeee this is late for Indapendace Day pfftt
> 
> Also Sierra is writing short stories based on this so those should be up soon(they include PORN)


	9. #washingdad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HamAndCheese: making my way downtown
> 
> HamAndCheese: walking fast
> 
> dont: can u die from too much dick
> 
> HamAndCheese: walking faster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NAMES-  
> Alexander=HamAndCheese  
> John=Dont  
> Herc=ZeroToHero  
> Laf=FrenchiestFry  
> Angelica=MommaDuck  
> Eliza=FireIsDangerousChildren  
> Peggy=WhoGaveYouTheRight  
> Thomas=MagentaIsAColorAlex  
> James=CurrentlyDyingThanks  
> Burr=User.name  
> Maria=Gaylo.Ren  
> Washington=Best  
> Charles Lee=Lee.The.Bee  
> George the third= KING  
> Samuel Seabury=Seaberries  
> James Reynolds= PayThePiper  
> John Adams= MotherFuckStick

User.Name: aaaaaa?????

CurrentlyDyingThanks: AAAA!!!

ZeroToHero: aaaAAA??!!!

MommaDuck: why we yellin

CurrentlyDyingThanks: okay so like Alex and Thomas were cuddling and Alex sat up, yanked John over, whispered ‘mine’ and they fell asleep and aaaaaaa

MommaDuck: aaaAAAAAAAA I love my son he is best son

KING: rude

MommaDuck: you’re second best tied with ur bfs

KING: I'm cool w/ that

WhoGaveYouTheRight: I'm wearing the dildo bra

MommaDuck: MARGARITA

WhoGaveYouTheRight: why is Angie using our full names so scary?

FrenchiestFry: Ikr. I made an inappropriate joke and she literally used my full ass entire name

MommaDuck: I don't even know where I learned it anymore

ZeroToHero: I taught you

MommaDuck: where’d you learn it?

ZeroToHero: he had his phone on speaker and his momma yelled it

ZeroToHero:: laf’s parents are so nice to me I lov e

FrenchiestFry: ehhhh that's an act. If you understood French you'd hear how god awful they are to me

Gaylo.Ren: guess who just got laid

Gaylo.Ren: hint: it's not me but we have the same name

PayThePiper: MA RI A

Gaylo.Ren: it was also very gay. And also were u top or bottom bc I can't tell with you

PayThePiper: Maria

ZeroToHero: MmmMmm who was it?

Gaylo.Ren: John Jay the lil sweetheart

ZeroToHero: then ur bro is probs the top there bc I don t think jay has in him

ZeroToHero: also why does everyone have the same fucking first names as my boyfriends I hate this

User.Name: whelp fuck

ZeroToHero: pfffft oh my god babe that was great

User.Name: I just wanted cheez-itz and milk and now I'm laying in milk and crushed cheez-itz

ZeroToHero: I would help but I'm taking pictures b c I will tell this story at our wedding

ZeroToHero: wA I T FUCK I ME AN

FireIsDangerousChildren: l m a o Herc lowkey proposing over there

User.Name: h e’s so red and it's cute af

ZeroToHero: I don't deserve this bullying

HamAndCheese: GUYSGUYSGUYSGUYSGUYS

ZeroToHero: wha

HamAndCheese: G E T UR ASSES IN THE BEDROOM AND LOOK AT JAMES

ZeroToHero: ehhh but stairs

HamAndCheese: ITS SO FREAKING WORTH IT

ZeroToHero: uuubbneishx

HamAndCheese: hU RYY B4 HE WAKES UP

ZeroToHero: I'm scooting like a worm I'm so fucking tired. 

ZeroToHero: oh shit that's worth it. He's so pretty when he sleeps. Bless his lil sleepy heart

FireIsDangerousChildren: sorry to interrupt bUT I HAT E BEING PREGNANT OK AY IT SUCKS DONT HAVE CHILDREN EVER

FireIsDangerousChildren: except for the smol babes in this chat that my sisters, Maria, and I have adopted

WhoGaveYouTheRight: @Thomas if u awake do u wanna come with me to Starbucks? I'm feeling down today and I want my son to help

MagentaIsAColorAlex: !!! Yeah sure mom!!!! We can also go to build a bear bc they have finding dory things and I want a beluga

WhoGaveYouTheRight: bless u my sweet chil d

HamAndCheese: also if u wanna join us later for an ice cream, tea, and spooky story party u can.

MommaDuck: I wanna come

HamAndCheese: ur all invited bc it gonna be fun also if u get spooped u can be gay

KING: can me and my babes come????

HamAndCheese: entire chat is invited (also if Dick #2 wants to bring Jay he can)

MotherFuckStick: I'm so single

MommaDuck: u can be my date bc I'm aroace and v single forevs

best: what about Martha and I?

HamAndCheese: YESYES I love Martha okay she's so amazing and I care abt her a lot and also Laf is now wrapped in a carpet why are they this way

MagentaIsAColorAlex: i John purring or something

HamAndCheese: oh yeh he does that sometimes.

dont: JESUS FUCK ALBA GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK

HamAndCheese: stop bullying our son

HamAndCheese: also John honey it's ur turn to walk our daughter

dont: ehhhhh okay lemme wake up

FrenchiestFry: I love Alba he is such a sweet cuddly baby

FrenchiestFry: I also love Duck bc she likes being a pillow for us

FrenchiestFry: I just love these two sweet children

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Thomas is so sassy this is awesome

MagentaIsAColorAlex: that fucker can suck it bc I rich, dating six people, and have best momma in the world.

HamAndCheese: wait who

MagentaIsAColorAlex: My ex from hs. Also Herc he may come up to you say I'm cheating w/ five people please give him a sad reaction okay I love how dumb he is

MagentaIsAColorAlex: except I really hate him too? Like not an Alex and I hate love I genuinely hate him

ZeroToHero: what he look like?

MagentaIsAColorAlex: an ass

User.Name: wait shit I lost my pants

MagentaIsAColorAlex: I would try and have sex w/ u but I need to make Peggs happy

User.Name: divorced

HamAndCheese: lmao same

Gaylo.Ren: bro can u help me at the library I forgot the Dewey decimal system again

PayThePiper: yeah yeah I'm coming

HamAndCheese: u say that with Jay ;)

PayThePiper: I can and will punch u

KING: nope u won't. And if u do somehow well then I'll go to extreme measurements to fuck ur whole life

HamAndCheese: this is great I have so many friends

ZeroToHero: wait Alex how the fuck did u find the bluetooth speaker and why are u blasting the Dewey decimal rap

HamAndCheese: I worship this song and I will listen to it until I die and it will play at my funeral okay it's so good

Gaylo.Ren: wait does it explain it???

HamAndCheese: yeh

Gaylo.Ren: WH Y DID I NOT KNOW THIS EXISTED???

Seaberries: @my lovers- why do I have hickeys on my hips u lil shit stains

KING: ur a deep af sleeper

Lee.The.Bee: it's fun

Seaberries: I hate both of you rn

HamAndCheese: making my way downtown

HamAndCheese: walking fast

dont: can u die from too much dick

HamAndCheese: walking faster

Seaberries: okay seriously these are all over my body what the fuck

Lee.The.Bee: they look pretty on you

Seaberries: well now I can't wear my crop tops and short shorts so u fucked urself

KING: wait no babe that's abuse

Seaberries: should've thought of that before you covered me in these

KING: I feel hurt okay bc now ur gonna wear those stupid hoodies that cover like all ur body

MommaDuck: I can help u cover them btw. 

Seaberries: thanks mom

KING: does that mean crop tops and shorts????

Seaberries: I won't wear the tops but I'll wear shorts bc I love them too much. More than u two at this point

Lee.The.Bee: ow

ZeroToHero: OKAY ALEX THIS IS WAY TO MUCH DEWEY DECIMAL RAP

HamAndCheese: U CAN NEVER HAVE TO MUCH DEWEY DECIMAL RAP

best: okay I'm seriously gonna call the mental hospital on you all at this point

HamAndCheese: yeah you can OR you can make dad jokes

FrenchiestFry: #Washingdad

best: I hate all of you

MommaDuck: tru tru also would you guys kill me if I added four more people in this chat

HamAndCheese: who?

MommaDuck: Martha, Adrienne, Theo, and Jay

HamAndCheese: add them tomorrow so we can invite them to spooky tea and ice cream party

MommaDuck: aight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the support???? This is so much fun to write. Also I woke up at four AM to this one half finished already and Jenni got my Alex and Angie writing style like on point??? Sierra did really good writing Peggs for me lmao


	10. Sleepover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lee.The.Bee: T AK E THE SHIT AND RUN
> 
> HamAndCheese: okay what the hell is their life
> 
> Washingmom: apparently most of it is kissing under the bleachers
> 
> KING: why do you know this
> 
> Washingmom: I k n o w a l l

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NAMES-  
> Alexander=HamAndCheese  
> John=Dont  
> Herc=ZeroToHero  
> Laf=FrenchiestFry  
> Angelica=MommaDuck  
> Eliza=FireIsDangerousChildren  
> Peggy=WhoGaveYouTheRight  
> Thomas=MagentaIsAColorAlex  
> James=CurrentlyDyingThanks  
> Burr=User.name  
> Maria=Gaylo.Ren  
> Washington=Best  
> Charles Lee=Lee.The.Bee  
> George the third= KING  
> Samuel Seabury=Seaberries  
> James Reynolds= PayThePiper  
> John Adams= MotherFuckStick  
> Martha= Washingmom  
> Theodosia= SinnersAndTheSaints  
> Adrienne= OuiOuiAsshat  
> Jay= TheFuckAreYou

MommaDuck added Washingmom, SinnersAndTheSaints, OuiOuiAsshat, and TheFuckAreYou to the chat

FrenchiestFry: ADRIENNE!!!!!

OuiOuiAsshat: LAFFY!!!!!!

User.Name: aye Theo

SinnersAndTheSaints: shut the up fuck burr it's too early for ur gay shit

TheFuckAreYou: I hat e poles okay they are the devil spawn

PayThePiper: truuuu

Washingmom: GE ORGE WHY ARE U HERe

best: I was forced against my will

HamAndCheese: Martha he isn't being a father it's rude

Washingmom: well now momma is here

MommaDuck: MOMMA SQUAD

Gaylo.Ren: do Eliza and I count in the momma squad

MommaDuck: yeeeee

FireIsDangerousChildren: Maria I want pancakes and cuddles

Gaylo.Ren: on it

MagentaIsAColorAlex: i miss Monticello

CurrentlyDyingThanks: sammme

HamAndCheese: we can go there on spring break if u want

MagentaIsAColorAlex: !!!!!!!!!!!!!

CurrentlyDyingThanks: okay but like where they gonna sleep bc u can't fit in your bed and my room is mine alone

MagentaIsAColorAlex: I’ll figure it out

Washingmom: I feel fat rn help

FrenchiestFry: I'm at the door rn I'll cuddle u

dont: just brought Duck back and we’re on our way up

HamAndCheese: <333

OuiOuiAsshat: LAF CAN I JOIN U PLLSSSS

FrenchiestFry: YES BUT BRING GEORGES PLLLEASE

OuiOuiAsshat: K!!!

dont: I forgot you and Burr had children lmaooo

FrenchiestFry: rude. Don't ever talk to me or my son again

OuiOuiAsshat: WE ARE HERE IM COMING IN

FrenchiestFry: YA Y ITS UNLOCKED AND WERE UPSTAIRS IN THE GREEN BEDROOM

dont: why tf do you yell at each other

OuiOuiAsshat: we are BFFs and so we yell also we v gay with a kid lmao

TheFuckAreYou: wait I'm looking at the group’s members and is the king squad seriously here

KING: yepp

Seaberries: we chill here

Lee.The.Bee: Sammy please stop wearing those stupid hoodies over your shorts it's obnoxious

Seaberries: you brought this on yourself. Next time you secretly put hickeys on me the consequences will be so much worse

KING: no don t you dare

Lee.The.Bee: bU T WE’D DI E

Seaberries: not my problem, it’s yours

TheFuckAreYou: mmm gay shit goin down

HamAndCheese: OH BTW TONIGHT WE’RE MEETING AT MY APARTMENT FOR SPOOKY STORIES, TEA, AND ICE CREAM AND EVERYONE IN THE CHAT RN IS INVITED(also smol Theo and Georges can come)

MagentaIsAColorAlex: okay so we need to plan cuddle buddies bc all seven of us take up too much room in a squish pile

HamAndCheese: I want Laf and Adrienne with me bc they are awesome

User.Name: I WANT JOHN ITS BEEN TO LONG

dont: Y E A H

ZeroToHero: yay I get Thomas and James

CurrentlyDyingThanks: yyay

KING: Sam I'm stealing the kitty top

Seaberries: nooo that's my faveeeee

KING: then we ar it

Seaberries: if u want one you can take the moon one it's too big for me

KING: hhhhhh y e s thank you bb

Lee.The.Bee: can I steal the pink one. I look great in pink

Seaberries: I know what you’re planning and it won't work

KING: we aren't planning anything

Seaberries: I'm on my bed and the closet door is fucking open I'm not deaf

Lee.The.Bee: T AK E THE SHIT AND RUN

HamAndCheese: okay what the hell is their life

Washingmom: apparently most of it is kissing under the bleachers

KING: why do you know this

Washingmom: I k n o w a l l

Seaberries: Lee is a piece of shit I h ate this

Seaberries: he stole all of my favorite tops and is now climbing into his dorm that I can't get into with out his permission at the front desk

Lee.The.Bee: hey it’s not like you’re gonna wear em

Seaberries: I was gonna make the final day today but now it's extended a week more

KING: HEY I DID NOTHING

Seaberries: we live together so I'll wear them around the apartment when Lee isn't here

MagentaIsAColorAlex: why are they so gay???????? Like there is seven of us and three of them and they’re gayer????

HamAndCheese: bc with the three of them they have more gay for all. With seven of us we have to evenly share all our gay together

MagentaIsAColorAlex: smart ass

HamAndCheese: u know it

MommaDuck: HEY FUCKER S A DRUNK ANGIE AND THOE AR E HERE FOR EHT PARTY 

SinnersAndTheSaints: Y E YE YA MILFS

Gaylo.Ren: I hate all of you

Gaylo.Ren: except Eliza and Peggs

Washingmom: ayye I'm here with washingdad

best: don't call me that

dont: washingdad

best: I'm with Maria on hating you all

Seaberries: HEER YE HEER YE

KING: the squad of gay royalty and Lee have arrived

Lee.The.Bee: they’re shunning me

Seaberries: for good fucking cause

WhoGaveYouTheRight: I'm here w/ Eliza and a very mad Maria

PayThePiper: Jay, Adams, and I are here but can we come in

HamAndCheese: I said everyone in the chat so get ur asses here

HamAndCheese: okay so everyone is here. Phones down u can share cute things ur lover(s) did tomorrow thanks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Adrienne that's all


	11. The world is a whole lot gayer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sierra: no dont do that it's only the OT7
> 
> Jenni and me: how about i do anY WAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NAMES-  
> Alexander=HamAndCheese  
> John=Dont  
> Herc=ZeroToHero  
> Laf=FrenchiestFry  
> Angelica=MommaDuck  
> Eliza=FireIsDangerousChildren  
> Peggy=WhoGaveYouTheRight  
> Thomas=MagentaIsAColorAlex  
> James=CurrentlyDyingThanks  
> Burr=User.name  
> Maria=Gaylo.Ren  
> Washington=Best  
> Charles Lee=Lee.The.Bee  
> George the third= KING  
> Samuel Seabury=Seaberries  
> James Reynolds= PayThePiper  
> John Adams= MotherFuckStick  
> Martha= Washingmom  
> Theodosia= SinnersAndTheSaints  
> Adrienne= OuiOuiAsshat  
> Jay= TheFuckAreYou

**FrenchiestFry sent the file MYSONMYWIFEANDMYBOYFRIEND.jpeg to the group**

FrenchiestFry: IM IN TEARS OVER T H I S

Washingmom: Sweet beautiful children why are french people so lucky

FrenchiestFry: i l o v e

User.Name: At least Adrienne is still your friend. Theo would punch me if she had the freaking chance

FrenchiestFry: Bc Georges was a gay strange experimental accident. Theo and smol Theo were not hon.

OuiOuiAsshat: Alex is now my second child. Angie we’re sharing him okay figh t me

MommaDuck: gladly okay he is freaking handful, and i ve got three others now.

Lee.The.Bee: MO M SAM AND GEORGIE ARE BEING MEAN TO ME

MommaDuck: From what i heard you deserve it

Lee.The.Bee: m e a n

Seaberries: bring my shit back

Lee.The.Bee: never

Seaberries: wrong choice

MommaDuck: pfft rip in pieces Lee

Lee.The.Bee: the floor is cold

Seaberries: good

KING: Sammmm stop moving im cold too

Seaberries: i hate both of you so much im gonna hang with mom

MommaDuck: come here my child let me be better than them

HamAndCheese: you guys are so loud why do i invite any of you over

FrenchiestFry: Bc you get bored a lot and need like nine people around you at one time.

HamAndCheese: tru tru

Washingmom: Im stealing your cat. He’s mine now

best: martha we dont need a cat

Washingmom: y e s w e d o

HamAndCheese: IDEA: WE SHOULD ALL LEAVE OUR PHONES AND GO TO THE PARK LIKE CHILDREN

FrenchiestFry: I AM ALREADY OUT THE DOOR

______________________________________________________________

KING: no wait sammy babe dont scream

Seaberries: im go NNNA FUCKING SCREAM U ASS

KING: i am helping

Seaberries: NO T REA LLY

Lee.The.Bee: babe it‘s gonna be fine.

Seaberries: N O I T W O N T

MommaDuck: im concerned for my children

Seaberries: IM CONCERNED FOR MY REPUTATION BC MY BOYFRIENDS HAVE NO FUCKING IMPULSE CONTROL

HamAndCheese: okay but

Seaberries: YOU S H U SH

HamAndCheese: no like for real

Seaberries: N O

KING: he chucked his phone at me, walked out the door, and started screaming.

HamAndCheese: okay b u t

KING: he isnt listening to me i need help

KING: MARIA I N EED U

Gaylo.Ren: im here what’s up

KING: long story short, Sam is too gay for his own good and wont listen

HamAndCheese: Maria i’ll pm you the details.

Gaylo.Ren: got cha

KING: Lee okay i need help he’s gone from screaming to playing Queen really fucking loud and i dont want our landlady to yell at him rn bc he’s emotional enough.

Lee.The.Bee: he doesnt have his phone right?

KING: right

Lee.The.Bee: then you’re fucked until Maria gets there.

Gaylo.Ren: IM FUCKING BOOKING IT OKAY THE GAY IS REAL

KING: thank

HamAndCheese: okay but like

HamAndCheese: im internally screaming bc i feel like this is my fault kinda?????

KING: nonono Sam gets like this a lot in these situations. He’s gonna be fine once Maria delivers the news.

Gaylo.Ren: why the FUCK is your elevator broken and why the FUCK do you live on the top floor

KING: it’s cheap

Gaylo.Ren: You will pay me actual money for this alright im pissed i have to walk in heels

KING: done deal as long as you can not get us in trouble bc of Sam’s emotions

Gaylo.Ren: alright one more flight. Be ready to record his reaction going through the door bc if i know this child, it’s how happy he gets abt love

KING: my camera is set and ready to go

HamAndCheese: be sure to send it okay

KING: yeh of course dorko

ZeroToHero: i dont have enough pillows rn

dont: there’s more downstairs

ZeroToHero: but i dont wanna move right now

dont: none of us do

User.Name: ive forgotten to breath six times now

User.Name: okay make that seven

**KING sent a video to the group ******

****KING: im not gonna lie im about to cry over this** **

****HamAndCheese: Loo k a t hi s lil boun ce** **

****HamAndCheese: im lik e really gay rn and im fucking bi** **

****User.Name: I FEEL U RIGHT TH ERE ALSO TELL HIM TO NOT BE THAT CUTE ITS ILLEGAL** **

****KING: he is always this way. Get used to it** **

****FrenchiesFry: gl a dl y** **

****MagentaIsAColorAlex: i had to take away James’ phone bc he was holding it really tight it almost shattered but yeah he’s re ally happ rn** **

****dont: Maria you are a saint** **

****Gaylo.Ren: im also a momma in a month** **

****FireIsDangerousChildren: k so like explain what the fuck happened** **

****HamAndCheese: scratch the seven poly and the three poly. Now u got the 10 squad** **

****MommaDuck: HOLY HELL THAT IS TOO MUCH GAY** **

****OuiOuiFuckers: GIT SOME** **

****Washingmom: i** **

****SinnersAndTheSaints: ^** **

****TheFuckAreYou: ^^** **

****KING: aww w w w Sam is spinning and jumping and giggling i c a n t** **

******KING sent a video to the group** ** **

****KING: S T O P H I M** **

****ZeroToHero: fuck we were missing out on a lot my main three** **

****dont: the world is so much better rn i am loving this** **

****FrenchiestFry: Why did we think four people was enough????** **

****HamAndCheese: I...dont...know** **

****MommaDuck: this is so gross to me im going to bed** **

****HamAndCheese: its only 3** **

****MommaDuck: Once again, i have a time for how much gay and how much bullshit i can handle and it’s upped every time i’m here** **

****Seaberries: DO NT SEND VIDEOS OF ME IT S EMBARRISING** **

****KING: IT S CUTE** **

****MagentaIsAColorAlex: James has been blushing for like quite some time now this is great** **

****dont: so is aaron but his also yelling into a pillow** **

****HamAndCheese: im the only calm one** **

****FrenchiestFry: says the guy with the biggest dopey ass smile i ve ever seen** **

****HamAndCheese: R U D E** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conversation that actually happened before this was uploaded
> 
> Sierra: no dont do that
> 
> Jenni: okay but our fave person wants gay so we're delivering gay
> 
> Sierra: N o
> 
> Me: okay but what if i told you im already about to upload it bc Jenni and I worked on it in secret while u were making Hamilton memes on snapchat
> 
> Sierra: why am i dating you two
> 
> Jenni: im hot as fuck
> 
> Me: i write gay fics abt the founding fathers


	12. Totalest Bottom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dont: i used to think alex was a total bottom but fuck sam may be the totalest bottom
> 
> MagentaIsAColorAlex: okay what the fuck is with you and Alex and making up words like only you two do it
> 
> dont: it’s our thing
> 
> MagentaIsAColorAlex: thing?
> 
> dont: watch the video

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NAMES-  
> Alexander=HamAndCheese  
> John=Dont  
> Herc=ZeroToHero  
> Laf=FrenchiestFry  
> Angelica=MommaDuck  
> Eliza=FireIsDangerousChildren  
> Peggy=WhoGaveYouTheRight  
> Thomas=MagentaIsAColorAlex  
> James=CurrentlyDyingThanks  
> Burr=User.name  
> Maria=Gaylo.Ren  
> Washington=Best  
> Charles Lee=Lee.The.Bee  
> George the third= KING  
> Samuel Seabury=Seaberries  
> James Reynolds= PayThePiper  
> John Adams= MotherFuckStick  
> Martha= Washingmom  
> Theodosia= SinnersAndTheSaints  
> Adrienne= OuiOuiAsshat  
> Jay= TheFuckAreYou

Seaberries: lee did u actually take the kitten top

Lee.The.Bee: i snagged what i could

Seaberries: you’re the problematic fave of this group

Lee.The.Bee: i’ll gladly accept that role

Gaylo.Ren: my life is so great. Ive been engaged for twenty minutes and ill be a mom in around two weeks (i h o p e)

FireIsDangerousChildren: we were supposed to announce that together like in real life and not in the chat

WhoGaveYouTheRight: okay what the fucking hell

WhoGaveYouTheRight: i leave my phone so i can study for finals and now everything's changed

WhoGaveYouTheRight: the topic first at hand; sam ur so cute when ur happy pls be happy forev e r

Seaberries: i th OUGh T THOSE WERE DELETED

KING: i may have PM’d them to everyone

Seaberries: im hurt

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Second topic; I swear to god there is like two maybe three straight people in this chat.

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Third topic; Ive been to Alexander’s house okay there are two bedrooms and one doesnt have a fucking bed and the other has a twin. Wh ere d o any of you sleep

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Fourth; would you kill me if i wore the titty bra around town

HamAndCheese: 1. Yes you’re right he i s pure 2. V good let the gay agenda take over 3. The living room. We just throw sleeping bags and pillows down i t s nice 4. If u do u gotta let me take a vid

MommaDuck: 1. He’s always been that way why are u noticing that now? 2. Ayyyye 3. I always assumed the stairs idk y 4. N O DONT

Seaberries: im getting bullied bc i was happy

HamAndCheese: you can’t lie ur really cute in that video

Seaberries: this is abuse

ZeroToHero: Sam come join me in the blue room im playing pokemon black 2

Seaberries: nice

__________________________________________

dont: i just witnessed the most heated makeout session of my life

Gaylo.Ren: Between who?

dont: Sam and Alex

dont: like hol y shit

Gaylo.Ren: deets i wan t th em

dont: okay so like I was just trying to sleep I and i turn the corner and Sam is pressed against the headboard with his legs around Alex’s hips and just holy shit i couldn’ t breath and i obvi took a vid lmao

Gaylo.Ren: i want that video. You’re still my lil lab rats aight

**dont sent a video to the group**

Gaylo.Ren: holy shit???????????????? Thats?? Like??? Woowww???

dont: RIGHT

dont: i used to think alex was a total bottom but fuck sam may be the totalest bottom

MagentaIsAColorAlex: okay what the fuck is with you and Alex and making up words like only you two do it

dont: it’s our thing

MagentaIsAColorAlex: thing?

dont: watch the video

MagentaIsAColorAlex: aaaah yeah i get it now

HamAndCheese: okay i swear what is with you guys and filming shit

dont: i t w AS CUTE OKAY IM SORRY

HamAndCheese: uueuehfhgh fine but only for u

dont: AHA BF #1 GETS PRIORITY

FrenchiestFry: I was number two can i have priority

HamAndCheese: no one has priority. Im just letting this one slide.

KING: kinky

HamAndCheese: shut it

dont: wait where did you two go

HamAndCheese: on the couch bc i wanted to watch TV and Sam fell asleep and ho l y s h it

dont: omw

dont: fuc k

HamAndCheese: R I G H T????????

FrenchiestFry: he’s so peaceful oh god

HamAndCheese: tf where’d you come from

FrenchiestFry: the coffee table is a fun place to hide

HamAndCheese: Yeah okay

KING: im here and ho l y sh it

HamAndCheese: r I GH T TT

dont: wait did

dont: Alex is now asleep as well wh at the fuck

dont: these two always stay up really late and im pretty sure half the time they were talking to each other in pm

KING: oh yeah ive checked Sam’s pms. His messages to Alex are so lowkey flirting it’s great

Gaylo.Ren: He seriously can no t flirt okay i need to teach this child a lesson.

Gaylo.Ren: Angie im stealing your child i need to be a mom to him

MommaDuck: im okay w/ that

Gaylo.Ren: yus

dont: okay fr this is so gay im crying look a t tehm

Gaylo.Ren: i want pics mister

dont: on it

**dont sent the file IMINLOVE.jpeg to the group**

OuiOuiAsshat: look at these kids Theo

SinnersAndTheSaint: amazing

Gaylo.Ren: I may cry oh god

FireIsDangerousChildren: im supposed to be the emotional one

Gaylo.Ren: Y EAH BUT IM THE GAY ONE

Washingmom: MOMMA IS HERE FOR THE GAY HELLO

best: martha

Washingmom: SHHHHHHHH

KING: “Well it isn’t that uncommon for friends to feel a type of romantic attraction to each other” - Sam (wait there’s more)

KING: “Do you consider me a friend?” -Alex

KING: “Perhaps I do, perhaps I don’t you will need to find that out on your own.”- Sam

KING: i swear these two. Like this is half their skype messages together. Just really lowkey hint dropping

dont: rip

ZeroToHero: i may have almost stabbed someone sewing something and i don’t know if im allowed to be trusted on this chat while at work

MagentaIsAColorAlex: k but one question, how’d you know Sam liked us? Bc i know mine was just emotions and untrustworthy dicks

User.Name: you will thank me eventually

KING: okay so he does this thing when he is talking to someone he really really likes. He basically squishes into a ball and giggles like crazy and bites his lip constantly okay

KING: well i told him it was his turn for the laundry and he was just texting you all in pm outside of this chat.

KING: i almost cried of happiness?

User.Name: wait ive seen him do that before. We were in study hall and he laughed at every joke I made and bit his lip and the entire time he was working on the paper we got in a small ball

KING: isn’t the best thing ever????

User.Name: yess

dont: ya know what. Fuck it im sleeping in here with them.

FrenchiestFry: im with you

KING: im gonna do a stage dive and then sleep

CurrentlyDyingThanks: Concept: Thomas stops taking my phone and im not sick 24/7

MagentaIsAColorAlex: you were gonna break it dumbass i helped

CurrentlyDyingThanks: th A T WAS TWO WEEKS AGO

WhoGaveYouTheRight: children wait no dont fight

OuiOuiAsshat: im fairly certain Eliza’s baby should arrive tomorrow? i mean idk but the timing sounds abt right

Gaylo.Ren: DONT REMIND ME!!!! IM LIKE SO READY BUT SO NERVOUS?????

MommaDuck: im gonna be an aunt im c ry ing

TheFuckAreYou: okay do you guys always send this many messages a day?

MommaDuck: usually. Sometimes more. Also we’ve disabled leaving by choice so only Alex and I can kick people.

MommaDuck: you’re all trapped in hell with me

Gaylo.Ren: hey as long as hell has Eliza im fine

best: martha help me

Washingmom: Im way to busy watching the vid from earlier

best: why?

Washingmom: because who wouldn’t want to see them being happy?????

Gaylo.Ren: ive watched that video like 30 times now and it’s only about ten seconds long

OuiOuiAsshat: children i love t h em

SinnersAndTheSaints: Adrienne wait where’d you put my child

OuiOuiAsshat: she’s with Peggs

SinnersAndTheSaints: thanks for not informing me???

WhoGaveYouTheRight: we just chilling in my dorm. I turned on cartoons for her

SinnersAndTheSaints: thank god

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Years of raising Thomas and James have taught me a thing or two about parenting

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Like, not to let them be alone for longer than an hour bc you will come home to everything broken and messed up

MagentaIsAColorAlex: it was one time

WhoGaveYouTheRight: one time that I spent three weeks fixing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The make-out thingy was suggested by an anon and i love it and yes
> 
> Also!!! Chapters will be a tiiiny bit slower than usual bc we're writing short stories for every chapter based on a certain topic in that chapter
> 
> So the writing will mostly be Jenni with me sometimes bc Sierra and I are co-writing the short stories!
> 
> So you can get these fuckers but in paragraph and more context version while aLSO getting meme hell!


	13. dingly DICK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Washingmom: Yeah and she’s literally like all of you but my age
> 
> MommaDuck: So another you?
> 
> Washingmom: But more lit af
> 
> Best: Martha
> 
> Washingmom: I CAN SAY LIT ALL I WANT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NAMES-  
> Alexander=HamAndCheese  
> John=Dont  
> Herc=ZeroToHero  
> Laf=FrenchiestFry  
> Angelica=MommaDuck  
> Eliza=FireIsDangerousChildren  
> Peggy=WhoGaveYouTheRight  
> Thomas=MagentaIsAColorAlex  
> James=CurrentlyDyingThanks  
> Burr=User.name  
> Maria=Gaylo.Ren  
> Washington=Best  
> Charles Lee=Lee.The.Bee  
> George the third= KING  
> Samuel Seabury=Seaberries  
> James Reynolds= PayThePiper  
> John Adams= MotherFuckStick  
> Martha= Washingmom  
> Theodosia= SinnersAndTheSaints  
> Adrienne= OuiOuiAsshat  
> Jay= TheFuckAreYou

HamAndCheese: I feel violated by these two

User.Name: It’s illegal im calling the cops on them jfc

OuiOuiAsshat: What’s the problem?

HamAndCheese sent a video to the group

HamAndCheese: Laf and Lee are the f ucking problem. I am struggling to not cry over this cuteness.

OuiOuiAsshat: ?????????? Im also crying now??? The freaking laughter killed me ill tell ya that

User.Name: RI GH T

ZeroToHero: What am I missing

HamAndCheese: Lee attempting to watch a movie and Laf being a total dick and both of them being in love and gay

ZeroToHero: should i watch the vid

HamAndCheese: yes

ZeroToHero: “It’s hard to enjoy the Titanic with you like that” “Good” I M?????

ZeroToHero: Laf is such a pure soul. They grip onto anyone and i just. Im v gay rn

Lee.The.Bee: i may be almost drowning but i can still see my notifications

HamAndCheese: Once again, everyone who is taller than me thinks they are drowning in Laf

HamAndCheese: I struggle in breathing sometimes.

FireIsDangerousChildren: I have a child and will soon have soon a wife and you guys are just dorks who do shit and YOU ARE STILL GAYER THAN ME

Gaylo.Ren: it’s like witchcraft or some shit

MommaDuck: I JUST DROPKICKED A SPORK AND IT WENT OVER THE ADMINISTRATION BUILDING

MommaDuck: AND THE FUCKING DEAN SAW IT AND DID FINGER GUNS AT ME???

WhoGaveYouTheRight: IT WAS THE FUNNIEST SHIT EVER

MommaDuck: CAN I LIKE MARRY HER?

HamAndCheese: why were you drop kicking a spork?

MommaDuck: I like drop kicking things

WhoGaveYouTheRight: she was trying to drop kick me but I wouldn't let her

CurrentlyDyingThanks: Why would you try and drop kick Peggy?

MommaDuck: She is tiny and smol

WhoGaveYouTheRight: About 9 times out of 10, my user is the best reaction to anything Angelica says to me.

__________________________________________

dont: Alex you committed to this so help me

HamAndCheese: but im lazy

dont: i dont care. You said you’d help because this meant a lot to you. So stop playing flappy bird

HamAndCheese: i still think it’s dumb to do this before asking

KING: ask what?

dont: absolutely and completely nothing. Also Alex i see you at the bottom of the steps and i will chuck this fucking pillow.

HamAndCheese: ugghhhh can’t we just wait until the day we ask to do this. 

dont: no we are doing it now and i swear to god you are not dying and stop drooling on the thing

KING: what fucking thing what are you two doing

HamAndCheese: well im currently avoiding John’s rage for my laziness. John is making me not be happy for the sake of a stupid “secret”

dont: ALEX ANDER

HamAndCheese: alex ander ham ilton

dont: Alex i swear i will stuff you and mount you on the god damn wall

HamAndCheese: fine buT you have to up the ask date to tomorrow

dont: why?

HamAndCheese: because im jumpy and it was struggle to not spill today, imagine a fucking week!

dont: fiiiiiiiiiine but this means you’re doing it not over chat

HamAndCheese: DEAL. now move bc i may plow you over

dont: alex that’s impossible

HamAndCheese: You wanna test that theory?

dont: fine im moving.

dont: sweet jesus

HamAndCheese: ;) I am not as weak as you assumed mister

dont: okay now help me and you can tell tomorrow

HamAndCheese: YES

FrenchiestFry: I s2g you two are the worst at keeping secrets

ZeroToHero: idea: h e l p me instead of this shit

dont: yeahyeahyeah

__________________________________________

HamAndCheese: I don’t like the new guys

OuiOuiAsshat: Who?

HamAndCheese: fucgkin that kid Benjamin and Abraham.

best: really? They’re some of my best students

HamAndCheese: they’re stuck up dicks 

MommaDuck: Wait like Benjamin Tallmadge?

HamAndCheese: Yeah

MommaDuck: He’s soooo sweet! But abrasive. Tbh he’s a taller you

Seaberries: Angie I’m marrying the dean with you

MommaDuck: What did she do

Seaberries: Okay so I have these weekend classes and shit because I was sick that whole month or whatever. And today I may have accidently shown one of my hickeys and I was being yelled at when she walked in. She learned why i was being yelled at and high-fived me.

Seaberries: she fukgin whispered ‘get some’ and??????

Gaylo.Ren: it was fucking halarious because now the teacher has given up and is hiding under his desk

Washingmom: Dolley is the best dean of a school there is or was i’ll tell ya that

MommaDuck: Her name is Dolley??

Washingmom: Yeah and she’s literally like all of you but my age

MommaDuck: So another you?

Washingmom: But more lit af

Best: Martha

Washingmom: I CAN SAY LIT ALL I WANT

KING: so the big secret yesterday was Alex, John, Laf, and Herc asking the rest of us to move in?? They sewed two king sized beds together for us anD

Gaylo.Ren: Did you say yes?

KING: Obviously. Now they’re all asleep and I’m sitting up watching them and being gay

Gaylo.Ren: Eliza leave the child with Theo and Adrienne we gotta be gay as fuck and beat these stupid assholes

FireIsDangerousChildren: I am not leaving our less than a month old son with those two so you can be gay

OuiOuiAsshats: BUT I WANNA HUG PHILIP PLE A S E

FireIsDangerousChildren: N O. YOU HAVE YOUR OWN CHILD

OuiOuiAsshats: YEAH BUT LIKE

OuiOuiAsshats: I WANT PHILIP

SinnersAndTheSaints: ADRIENNE

SinnersAndTheSaints: STOP LEAVING MY CHILD WITH PEGGY WITHOUT TELLING ME

WhoGaveYouTheRight: SHE’ S SO TINY I JUST KINDA STEAL HER?

SinnersAndTheSaints: R U D DE E

WhoGaveYouTheRight: YOU CANT DENY ME THIS CHILD WE ARE DATING

SinnersAndTheSaints: ADRIENNE HELP ME

OuiOuiAsshats: NO BC IM WITH PEGGY AND SHE IS VERY CORRECT

Gaylo.Ren: Eliza please we a F A I L I N G

FireIsDangerousChildren: We’re beating Jay and your brother right

Gaylo.Ren: NO WE ARE NOT THEY ARE SLEEPING TOGETHER IN A T R E E

Gaylo.Ren: AND IT IT’S CUTE

Gaylo.Ren: MY BROTHER IS NOT ALLOWED TO BE CUT E

FireIsDangerousChildren: The Washingtons?

Gaylo.Ren: MARRIED LONGER THAN IVE KNOWN YOU

FireIsDangerousChildren: AHA AT LEAST WE’RE A COUPLE. ADAMS IS SINGLE AS FUCK

Gaylo.Ren: THAT IS A LAUNCH PAD GOOD

MotherFuckStick: I am seriously not at the bottom of the relationship chart in this chat

Gaylo.Ren: Yep you are single dingly DICK

FireIsDangerousChildren: MARIA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sierra has been writing porn non-stop and I wish that that was pun
> 
> So there mAY be a nine chapter porn thing of Alex getting torn to shreds by his boyfriends rip him and my eyes oh my god so mu CH porn


	14. Team Valor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dont: IVE SEEN YOu WITH SHORT HAIR AND IT WAS NICE B u T
> 
> dont: IT WASNT THE RIGHT LENGTH FOR THE THING
> 
> HamAndCheese: O shoot i forgot abt when my short hair caused those issues
> 
> FrenchiestFry: that short hair was pissing me off a lot mk i like the ~*~noises~*~
> 
> MommaDuck: You are all terrible horrible sinners
> 
> FrienchiestFry: u know it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NAMES-  
> Alexander=HamAndCheese  
> John=Dont  
> Herc=ZeroToHero  
> Laf=FrenchiestFry  
> Angelica=MommaDuck  
> Eliza=FireIsDangerousChildren  
> Peggy=WhoGaveYouTheRight  
> Thomas=MagentaIsAColorAlex  
> James=CurrentlyDyingThanks  
> Burr=User.name  
> Maria=Gaylo.Ren  
> Washington=Best  
> Charles Lee=Lee.The.Bee  
> George the third= KING  
> Samuel Seabury=Seaberries  
> James Reynolds= PayThePiper  
> John Adams= MotherFuckStick  
> Martha= Washingmom  
> Theodosia= SinnersAndTheSaints  
> Adrienne= OuiOuiAsshat  
> Jay= TheFuckAreYou  
> Dolley=SquareUpPunk

Seaberries: I just got lectured about how pre-marital sex is the worst kind of sin

Seaberries: and I asked about gay pre-marital sex

Seaberries: I got a high five from the dean, and another lecture about how being gay is wrong

Seaberries: so then I casually mentioned my nine boyfriends I wasn't cheating on

Seaberries: and now I'm being lectured about how Christianity is the only true religion and morman isn't a holy practice

Washingmom: wait why is Dolley there

Seaberries: she has to supervise me or whatever

Seaberries: she’s cool though. She's also about to explode from trying not to laugh. 

HamAndCheese: what if I cut my hair

Seaberries: wait what?

HamAndCheese: not super short but just short-er

Seaberries: nooo but you hair is beautiful

HamAndCheese: yeah but

dont: ALE X DO NOT

HamAndCheese: I PROPBABLY WONT

dont: GOOD

dont: IVE SEEN YOu WITH SHORT HAIR AND IT WAS NICE B u T

dont: IT WASNT THE RIGHT LENGTH FOR THE THING

HamAndCheese: O shoot i forgot abt when my short hair caused those issues

FrenchiestFry: that short hair was pissing me off a lot mk i like the ~*~noises~*~

MommaDuck: You are all terrible horrible sinners

FrienchiestFry: u know it

Seaberries: HEY Dolley wants in the chat.

Washingmom: YES YES YES. we have so many people. YES YES YES.

**Seaberries added SquareUpPunk to the chat**

SquareUpPunk: SUP

SquareUpPunk: IM GONNA GUESS WHO ALL IS HERE BY USER NAMES

SquareUpPunk: Okay so Seaberries is obvi Sam, Washingmom is Martha(MY BAE), best is my bae’s husbando the pu NK

Best: ???

SquareUpPunk: fight me. anY WAY. HamAndCheese is my little Alexander bear, FrenchiestFry is most def Laffy Taffy and ZeroToHero cant be anyone but Herc

HamAndCheese: You caught us

SquareUpPunk: MagentaIsAColorAlex is probs TJeffs and CurrentlyDyingThanks is JMads and I’m gonna go with User.Name is Burr

User.Name: yeah

SquareUpPunk: we got the sisters, MommaDuck being Angie, FireIsDangerousChildren being Eliza, and WhoGaveYouTheRight being Peggles

MommaDuck: yoyo it us

SquareUpPunk: and everyone else is unimportant.

KING: H U R T

HamAndCheese: I will not let my husband be treated this way

SquareUpPunk: w a I t

SquareUpPunk: I KNEW SAMMY HAD MORE BUT DONT TELL ME ITS U

HamAndCheese: ME JOHN LAF HERC JAMES THOMAS AARON LEE AND GEORGIE ARE ALL DATING SAM YES

SquareUpPunk: H OLLLY SHIT

SquareUpPunk: that's a new low lmao

Washingmom: DOLLEY

SquareUpPunk: ANYONE DATING FAKE ROYALTY IS A NEW LOW

KING: IM NOT FAKE ROYALTY. I WAS IN LINE FOR THE THRONE UNTIL I WAS LIKE A YEAR OLD BC MY MOM DECIDED TO MOVE ME HERE

HamAndCheese: Wait you’re like

HamAndCheese: Actual royalty?

KING: yeah

Seaberries: Wait you didn’t know this?

HamAndCheese: I THOUGHT IT WAS FOR SHOW

Seaberries: Nah he’s real royalty

HamAndCheese: AHHHA THATS AWESOME

KING: you know it babe

 

__________________________________________

Seaberries: I walk into class expecting something normal on the last day before spring break and see Mrs.Washington laying on the desk while yelling

Seaberries: loving being a theater major rn

MagentaIsAColorAlex: We’re still going to Monticello for spring break right?

HamAndCheese: mhm. Speaking of which, I should prooobably pack.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: no rush. I still have no fuckkng clue where you guys are gonna sleep

MagentaIsAColorAlex: there's like two bedrooms, one is mine and I can't fit and the other is James’ alone bc he called dibs

CurrentlyDyingThanks: what about like

CurrentlyDyingThanks: we just use the parlor in the same way Alex used his living room before we moved in?

MagentaIsAColorAlex: but i like not having people in the parlor

CurrentlyDyingThanks: Listen the only places other than that are the library or the south square room and no one can fit in either of those places

MagentaIsAColorAlex: hhhhhj fine we can stay the parlor BUT I will force everyone to not wear shoes

HamAndCheese: you sound like rich assholes

MagentaIsAColorAlex: we're literally talking about a mansion my parents bought me when I was fourteen

HamAndCheese: you were that young?

MagentaIsAColorAlex: they ran out of gift ideas

CurrentlyDyingThanks: are your parents and the homophobic asses gonna be there

MagentaIsAColorAlex: nah they’re in like Hawaii or something

HamAndCheese: you, a very openly gay human being, have homophobic parents?

MagentaIsAColorAlex: I don't like them or their views and so my life goal is pissing them off.

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Pretty sure they’re racist too

HamAndCheese: nice

__________________________________________

Seaberries: mother fucking mystic taking our gym

Lee.The.Bee: with an OP ass diglet too. How rude.

ZeroToHero: VALOR WILL RULE ALL

HamAndCheese: how about instead of worrying about the Pokemon gym, you help me pack

ZeroToHero: but

HamAndCheese: help me pack. Then I'll help you fight the gym

ZeroToHero: DEAL

FireIsDangerousChildren: did y’all really choose Valor

FireIsDangerousChildren: Don't you know it's Mystic for life

WhoGaveYouTheRight: uhh team instinct?

HamAndCheese: Angie please tell me you're sensible

MommaDuck: of course my son. Valor is the one true savoir of us all

ZeroToHero: DAMN STRAIGHT

HamAndCheese: Herc is very passionate on this matter

ZeroToHero: VALOR IS A GOD

MommaDuck: YEYE

MommaDuck: anyone else get that nice pikachu for a starter?

Seaberries: I did. His name is Mouse Rat after Andy’s band in parks and rec

User.Name: HEY WE’RE ALL PACKED FINALLY

Lee.The.Bee: Tomorrow we set off to a huge ass mansion

MommaDuck: Arent you all supposed to be in class

Seaberries: Yeah but packing for a trip to Monticello is more fun

best: wait you’re skipping class

Seaberries: NO SIR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "hey look i caught another rattata"  
> "CAN YOU NO PLAY POKEMON AND INSTEAD I DONT KNOW, WRITE THE STORY REI?"  
> "But Sierra i dont want to."


	15. Monticello Or Bust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MommaDuck: off topic but Thomas last time I was at Monti i remember you like
> 
> MommaDuck: not having an actual kitchen?
> 
> MagentaIsAColorAlex: Yeah but
> 
> MagentaIsAColorAlex: WHO NEEDS A KITCHEN WHO YOU HAVE A ROOM WHERE YOU CAN ONLY SIT AND DRINK TEA AND NOTHING ELSE
> 
> MagentaIsAColorAlex: My parents suck at doing anything right. This is one of the higher-ups

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NAMES-  
> Alexander=HamAndCheese  
> John=Dont  
> Herc=ZeroToHero  
> Laf=FrenchiestFry  
> Angelica=MommaDuck  
> Eliza=FireIsDangerousChildren  
> Peggy=WhoGaveYouTheRight  
> Thomas=MagentaIsAColorAlex  
> James=CurrentlyDyingThanks  
> Burr=User.name  
> Maria=Gaylo.Ren  
> Washington=Best  
> Charles Lee=Lee.The.Bee  
> George the third= KING  
> Samuel Seabury=Seaberries  
> James Reynolds= PayThePiper  
> John Adams= MotherFuckStick  
> Martha= Washingmom  
> Theodosia= SinnersAndTheSaints  
> Adrienne= OuiOuiAsshat  
> Jay= TheFuckAreYou  
> Dolley=SquareUpPunk

MagentaIsAColorAlex: How socially unacceptable is it to break down my own door

HamAndCheese: I mean it’s your door

MagentaIsAColorAlex: y eah b ut

MommaDuck: off topic but Thomas last time I was at Monti i remember you like

MommaDuck: not having an actual kitchen?

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Yeah but

MagentaIsAColorAlex: WHO NEEDS A KITCHEN WHO YOU HAVE A ROOM WHERE YOU CAN ONLY SIT AND DRINK TEA AND NOTHING ELSE

MagentaIsAColorAlex: My parents suck at doing anything right. This is one of the higher-ups

MagentaIsAColorAlex: OH ALSO I MAY HAVE SERVANTS? I DONT NEED THEM BUT MY PARENTS FORCE THEM TO BE THERE???

MagentaIsAColorAlex: But they’re cool. We’ve got Mei who is french and baller, Diane who is basically my better mom and Dennis who’s the butler dude and he’s a huge Batman fan.

HamAndCheese: Jfc your parents

MagentaIsAColorAlex: but fr they’ll love you guys

MommaDuck: If I wasn't AroAce i’d marry Mei tbh

MommaDuck: best woman 10/10

FrenchiestFry: you said she’s French?

MagentaIsAColorAlex: yeah and I don't mean you French. She does the whole ‘I am right no?’ thing and says Oui all the time and uses z’s and is just

MagentaIsAColorAlex: very fucking French

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Oh and Alex, Diane speaks Spanish so well it’s almost as if it’s her first language

HamAndCheese: YES TWO FOREIGN SPEAKERS I CAN BEFRIEND

User.Name: Okay is no one confused as to when Angie was at Monticello?

MommaDuck: that's for me to know and you to never find out Burr

\-----

CurrentlyDyingThanks: wait i just wanted a nap where did you all go

Lee.The.Bee: Half of us are outside being idiots, the other more sensible half are building a fort

dont: listen, the sensible people are outside. The idiots are making a fort.

Lee.The.Bee: well we were gonna watch The Princess Bride with you all but now maybe not

dont: waIT I TAKE IT BaaCK. MOVE ASIDE FUCKERS IM COMING IN

HamAndCheese: the things you have done for that movie john. How are you not in jail

dont: listen, i just. I really love this movie.

HamAndCheese: You almost killed the video store guy when he said it was ten bucks to renew it

dont: IT WAS WORTH MORE THAN TEN

HamAndCheese: DOESN'T MEAN YOU PAY FIFTY BUCKS TO RENEW IT FOR A WEEK

FrenchiestFry: ooh I remember that. 

ZeroToHero: We stopped watching it after that. It became banned.

dont: well now it’s starting and fuck you all this movie is the best.

KING: Ive been betrayed for the sake of a movie

dont: you still have Alex

KING: Yeah but we’re against Herc and Laf, we will diE

CurrentlyDyingThanks: What are you even doing outside

KING: A weird mix of paintball, capture the flag, and monopoly

HamAndCheese: Yes and we’re currently loosing

KING: shi t we are

HamAndCheese: I’m hiding so you have to shoot laf

KING: damn

\---------

dont: I’m stealing Dennis from you he’s awesome

MagentaIsAColorAlex: he is !! I feel sorry he has to put up with my parents crap

HamAndCheese: Im dumping you all and marrying Diane okay she’s the best person e v e r

MagentaIsAColorAlex: Hon she’s gayer than all of us combined that wont work

HamAndCheese: I’ll make it fugin work she’s perfection. 

User.Name: Ive been watching Laf and Mei have a conversation in French for a good two hours now.

User.Name: It’s really cute bc Mei asks like a question or something and Laf turns rlly red and starts rambling on and on

Seaberries: He has no clue Aaron and I are watching him like fr he thinks it’s just him and Mei

HamAndCheese: Yell ‘Las Belle Femme’

User.Name: Last time I did something like this nothing good happened

HamAndCheese: I promise this time it’s fr. They love being called that it’s super cute. 

HamAndCheese: I said that once just bc, and they just got majorly blushy and flustered it was the best

User.Name: jjfffccc

Seaberries: Aaron said it and Laf jumped and then turned and stuttered out “Where the hell did you learn that?”

User.Name: THEY RE SO RED AND MEI IS LAUGHING

Seaberries: This is an amazing revelation

FrenchiestFry: You know I was having a nice talk about why I loved you guys and now im just gonna talk shit

Seaberries: Oh really?

User.Name: Alex, love, how do you ask someone for privacy?

HamAndCheese: vie privée s'il vous plaît

HamAndCheese: Why do you need privacy

HamAndCheese: OH WAIT

HamAndCheese: Yeah okay Mei just walked into the library laughing and squealing

HamAndCheese: Be safe children

MagentaIsAColorAlex: I didn’t condone these acts

HamAndCheese: Sure as hell did last night

MagentaIsAColorAlex: SH UTTT IT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO'S BACK FROM THE EAST COAST?????? US!!!!!
> 
> Yeah we went to Virginia and then D.C and then Rhode Island and finally New York! It was hella fun!
> 
> Apologies for this being so short, we just wanted to get something to you all!


	16. Going Home

HamAndCheese: Eliza I want a photo of my children

**FireIsDangerousChildren sent the file CatDog.png to the group**

HamAndCheese: thank

\------------------

**PayThePiper created a new group chat**

**PayThePiper renamed the group ‘The Forgotten Ones’**

**PayThePiper added TheFuckAreYou and MotherFuckStick to the group**

PayThePiper: i hate all of them.

TheFuckAreYou: You hate everyone. Even me.

PayThePiper: Yeah true. But them the most.

MotherFuckStick: Angelica refuses to let us leave. And Alexander is just a dick so I doubt he’d let us go either

PayThePiper: They named me Dick #2. Who the hell is the first one.

MotherFuckStick: Either me or Mr. Schyuler

TheFuckAreYou: Im gonna ask

PayThePiper: NO

\------------------

TheFuckAreYou: Who’s Dick #1 btw

PayThePiper: jfc

MommaDuck: Aaron

TheFuckAreYou: Wait really?

MommaDuck: Yeah. It was a joke and then the list sorta

MommaDuck: happened

FireIsDangerousChildren: ALEX!!! YOUR SON!!! HAS!!! ADOPTED!!!! A MOUSE!!!!

HamAndCheese: What the fuck

**FireIsDangerousChildren sent the file !!!!!!!!!!!.png to the group**

FireIsDangerousChildren: HE’S CUDDLING WITH A MOUSE

HamAndCheese: im disowning him

FrenchiestFry: Alex you can’t disown our son

HamAndCheese: Im disowning him until we get home tomorrow

FrenchiestFry: Yeah okay.

\------------------

FrenchiestFry: im gonna punch her

Gaylo.Ren: I dont know who it is but please do

WhoGaveYouTheRight: please dont

MagentaIsAColorAlex: dont actually she’s really rich and can get you sent straight to France with no chance of coming back

FrenchiestFry: im gonna punch her

Gaylo.Ren: who and why

FrenchiestFry: This bitch Marie Antoinette. She’s a snob and she insulted Alex.

WhoGaveYouTheRight: PUNCH HER! PUNCH HER!

HamAndCheese: I’m fine tho?? She didnt insult me at all??

FrenchiestFry: She insulted me with what she said to you

HamAndCheese: Babe ily but please dont

FrenchiestFry: ily2 so i wont

HamAndCheese: nice

Gaylo.Ren: I hate you so much.

\------------------

KING: im gonna fuck Adam Lambert

Seaberries: same tbh

Gaylo.Ren: Id fuck him and im gay

KING: isnt he gay tho

Gaylo.Ren: he’s said he’s bi-curious kinda

Gaylo.Ren: i have a chance

Seaberries: Did you guys watch the ‘For Your Entertainment’ video?

KING: yes I did and i think that’s what made me gay

User.Name: can i remind everyone it’s two in the morning and we have a really long drive tomorrow

KING: yes. But we dont care.

User.Name: dont make me wake up James for this

KING: shit okay we’re sleeping

\------------------

HamAndCheese: IHOP’s criss-croissants are literally just eggs in waffles

ZeroToHero: why is that the first thing you type this morning

HamAndCheese: I watched the add before I slept and I dreamt about how stupid it was

ZeroToHero: Leave it to you.

CurrentlyDyingThanks: Help me pack please

ZeroToHero: omw

HamAndCheese: I would but laf and lee are asleep and i just wanna stare at them

ZeroToHero: Pics

HamAndCheese: On it

\------------------

Seaberries: HOME

dont: IM GOING TO SLEEP WHOS GONNA JOIN ME

Lee.The.Bee: ME

HamAndCheese: ily all sm

ZeroToHero: english

HamAndCheese: IM REALLY GAY FOR SOMEONE WHO ISNT GAY

ZeroToHero: thx

HamAndCheese: hypocrite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so everywhere im so rr


	17. ,,,

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW - MENTIONS OF RAPE, PREVIOUSLY UNMENTIONED TRANS CHAR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not romanticizing rape. This is a call out chapter. Skip if you don't care. This is a fucking issue in our society and I'm sick of it.

Gaylo.Ren: Can I put down on my resume I'm a supportive friend with a great attitude.

FireIsDangerousChildren: that is the second biggest lie you've ever told

Gaylo.Ren: what's the first

FireIsDangerousChildren: that you've always been 100% gay

Gaylo.Ren: Eliza

FireIsDangerousChildren: you had the hots for Alex don't fukgin lie to me

Gaylo.Ren: ELIZA HE’S IN THIS CHAT SHUT THE UP FUCK

MommaDuck: yeah but for the last month he hasn't spoken. He'll neither have the other nine. They're rarely in classes as well. 

Gaylo.Ren: I noticed that too. Where'd the gays go

OuiOuiAsshat: Laf told me that there were some issues they needed to work with off of the phones

MommaDuck: shit what's that mean

SinnersAndTheSaints: No clue. Aaron said he couldn't be available to take Theo Jr. bc of the issues to they have to be something really big. 

TheFuckAreYou: wait you really don't know?

MommaDuck: not a clue

TheFuckAreYou: Alex had a big breakdown and they had a talk and decided they needed to deal with any problems in their relationship.

PayThePiper: AYE THEY TOLD THE FORGOTTEN AND NOT THE MAINS

MotherFuckStick: WE’RE IMPORTANT

dont: well it ain't happening again nice going idiots.

PayThePiper: I DID NOTHING

MotherFuckStick: IM INNOCENT

FrenchiestFry: hate to interrupt but

FrenchiestFry: Alex is asleep and Lee is staring at him with the cutest face an d

KING: is it the ‘holy f u CK im dating this guy face’?

Seaberries: yeah it is

KING: take photos please I l ove that face

ZeroToHero: are we gonna gloss over the fact like Maria liked Alex orrrr???

Gaylo.Ren: ITS A LONG STORY. ASK MY BROTHER. ITS WHY I HATE HIM

PayThePiper: ITS IN THE PAST MARIA. IVE MOVED ON.

Gaylo.Ren: EXPLAIN YOUR FUCKING USER THEN

MommaDuck: I WANNA KNOW WHERE THE FUCK YALL WENT

dont: it was said earlier. We needed to figure some shit out. 

Gaylo.Ren: imma knock on your door in like five minutes. Please let me in. I need to talk to Alex, asleep or not.

dont: okay?

Gaylo.Ren: thanks. Please don t talk to us for a while as well

__________________________________________

HamAndCheese: ahem

HamAndCheese: Maria and I are both problematic

HamAndCheese: so please do ignore us for the next few days unless we told you to give us love

HamAndCheese: also @ dick #2 your plan worked good job.

PayThePiper: wait no it wasn't supposed to please tell me Maria is okay

Gaylo.Ren: Jay, be safe. You're really sweet and kind and my brother is not at all.

FireIsDangerousChildren: ‘ria,,,,,,

Gaylo.Ren: I don't like knowing this okay. I'm going to be a support but,,,I don't like this.

PayThePiper: Maria please I'm sorry

Gaylo.Ren: should have thought about that before you did what you did.

PayThePiper: Alex are you gonna tell the others

HamAndCheese: don't have a choice.

dont: Alex

HamAndCheese: soon okay. I promise.

MommaDuck: ,,,,,

best: Alexander are you alright?

HamAndCheese: I’ll be fine sir. Just don't worry too much. I'll fix everything.

TheFuckAreYou: Jamie what did you do

PayThePiper: You'll know soon enough.

__________________________________________

MommaDuck: remember when the biggest issue was who's shoelaces looked best?

TheFuckAreYou: yeah.

MommaDuck: where are you Jay I want to help

TheFuckAreYou: Currently at the spot. 

MommaDuck: honey

TheFuckAreYou: I'm sorry…

MommaDuck: don't be I'm here it's okay.

__________________________________________

HamAndCheese: Time to clear everything up for everyone.

HamAndCheese: As you know, James Reynolds is the bane of my existence. He's the reason I don't ever feel safe. Well Eliza wasn't,,,raped by a random man. That was James Reynolds.

HamAndCheese: well that wasn't enough apparently. H e go t me too. An d now I'm facing the same fate as Eliza. I'm gonna have a baby.

HamAndCheese: I don't know what I'm gonna do with it. That's all.

Washingmom: I'm getting Adrienne, Theo, and my dog. We're on our way hon.

HamAndCheese: thanks.

dont: Alex why didn't you tell us sooner?

HamAndCheese: I wasn't going to tell anyone at first. But then Maria started taking to me and I needed to let it out.

dont: we're gonna come over, is that okay?

HamAndCheese: mhmm.

Gaylo.Ren: James Rynolds is in custody of the police. Mr. Washington, any friends of yours wanna stand for Alex?

best: I will myself.

HamAndCheese: thanks…

FireIsDangerousChildren: , , ,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JAMES REYNOLDS IS A SHITTY PERSON. THERE IS NO REASON I WROTE HIM IN AND IM PISSED I DID.
> 
> I can't stand this man. So he's gone. Please don't complain about this chapter and abt Trans! Alex. It's been a long fucking day I don't need complaints  
> -  
> Rei and Jenni.


	18. TGTS ; Team Gay Turkey Squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TurkeySquad: IKEA is bullshit and I'm not building this bookshelf. I can buy a nicer one at furniture store
> 
> TeamGay: you're gonna build the damn bookshelf and like it
> 
> TurkeySquad: fffiiiinnneee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NAMES-  
> Alexander=HamAndCheese  
> John=Dont  
> Herc=ZeroToHero  
> Laf=FrenchiestFry  
> Angelica=MommaDuck  
> Eliza=FireIsDangerousChildren  
> Peggy=WhoGaveYouTheRight  
> Thomas=MagentaIsAColorAlex  
> James=CurrentlyDyingThanks  
> Burr=User.name  
> Maria=Gaylo.Ren  
> Washington=Best  
> Charles Lee=Lee.The.Bee  
> George the third= KING  
> Samuel Seabury=Seaberries  
> John Adams= MotherFuckStick  
> Martha= Washingmom  
> Theodosia= SinnersAndTheSaints  
> Adrienne= OuiOuiAsshat  
> Jay= TheFuckAreYou  
> Dolley=SquareUpPunk  
> Benjamin Franklin= TurkeySquad  
> Henry Knox= TeamGay

HamAndCheese: Laf is abt to die wish him farewell

FrenchiestFry: why are you so worried abt this.

HamAndCheese: bc I am emotionally unbalanced

FrenchiestFry: you aren't worried about Thomas

HamAndCheese: he knows what he's doing. 

dont: daddy is such a kinky word

HamAndCheese: John what

dont: have rolley chair races all you want fuckers I'm enjoying fucking many people

HamAndCheese: why did I let your stupid freckled face convince me to date you

dont: OW

KING: j o h n

dont: what

dont: oh rite. Aight gtg meme team

Washingmom: I shouldn't have become a teacher. I should have gone into government. 

best: right beside you Martha

HamAndCheese: but then we wouldn't have our beloved Washingmom and Washing#daddy

Washingmom: he's so stressed right now what have you boys done

Gaylo.Ren: #washing#daddy

HamAndCheese: oh hey Maria

Gaylo.Ren: I'm gonna force you into my apartment and we're watching Star Wars

HamAndCheese: mk

Gaylo.Ren: I love us

HamAndCheese: same

__________________________________________

Gaylo.Ren: ngl Han Solo and Kylo Ren are both vvvvvv gay

HamAndCheese: yeah but Han loved a good man. Kylo loves the equivalent of a nazi.

Gaylo.Ren: don't hate Hux bc you ain't him okay.

HamAndCheese: I’ll hate whoever the fuck I want

FireIsDangerousChildren: ^ Alexander in a nutshell

HamAndCheese: FIGHT ME

FireIsDangerousChildren: Maria calm him down

Gaylo.Ren: on it

Lee.The.Bee: hey Eliza, queen of all clubs, who runs the GSA

FireIsDangerousChildren: Ben Franklin and his boyfriend Henry Knox

Lee.The.Bee: YOURE WRONG. ITS HIS FIANCÉ

FireIsDangerousChildren: OH SHIT ((OH SHIT)) FR?

Lee.The.Bee: yep Henry proposed during today's meeting

FireIsDangerousChildren: A W W

FireIsDangerousChildren added TurkeySquad and TeamGay to the chat

FireIsDangerousChildren: BENNY! HENRY! MY BOYS

TeamGay: MOM

TurkeySquad: MOM IN LAW! WERE ENGAGED

FireIsDangerousChildren: I KNOW! CONGRATS! IM SO PROUD

HamAndCheese: Eliza who are these people

FireIsDangerousChildren: Henry was my neighbor for like 16 years. Ben moved in the year I moved out and idk we've been chill ever since

HamAndCheese: Well hi I’m Alexander and I'm a mess

Gaylo.Ren: I'm Maria and I'm Eliza’s mess

TurkeySquad: !!!! Maria !!!! I've heard a lot abt you !!!!

Gaylo.Ren: he uses excessive exlimation points I like him

TeamGay: i like him too

FireIsDangerousChildren: yay! I missed having an odd number!

HamAndCheese: but we had an odd number before you added them

FireIsDangerousChildren: yeah but it was awkward. Now!!! We have an odd number because of two idiots I really love

TurkeySquad: btw the founding fathers were gay

TeamGay: gdi

HamAndCheese: FINALLY SOMEONE WHO AGREES WITH ME

HamAndCheese: especially like , , , the revolutionaries. V gay vibes there

TurkeySquad: Mom-in-law why didn't you tell me Alex existed he's gr9

Gaylo.Ren: aaaaa now he's crying holy shit this is kinda cute

TurkeySquad: wait what

Gaylo.Ren: there have been some issues lately and Alex just needs constant pronoun reassurance so when new people use he/him he just gets really really happy.

TurkeySquad: aight. But I hhhaaaave to meet you two sometime you guys seem awesome

Gaylo.Ren : wait until you meet the rest

TeamGay: the rest?

KING: ALEX I AM HOME NOW

HamAndCheese: o m w

KING: WHOOP I ALSO HAVE HERC

HamAndCheese: !!!!! THIS MEANS STRANGER THINGS

KING: Y EAH

TeamGay: wait is that

KING: sup Knox

TeamGay: g d i I thought I got rid of you.

KING: NOPE

TeamGay: fuck

__________________________________________

FireIsDangerousChildren: succ

Seaberries: Eliza what

FireIsDangerousChildren: exactly

WhoGaveYouTheRight: I always miss shit when I'm busy

CurrentlyDyingThanks: MOM

MagentaIsAColorAlex: MOM

WhoGaveYouTheRight: BOYS

HamAndCheese: I'm dying please help Peggy

WhoGaveYouTheRight: shouldn't like Adrienne, Theo, Angie, Eliza, Martha, or even ducking Dolley help?

HamAndCheese: p e g g y

WhoGaveYouTheRight: alright alright I'm on my way

HamAndCheese: YA Y

MommaDuck: wait why am I in that group

WhoGaveYouTheRight: bc you're his mom

MommaDuck: yeah okay true.

TurkeySquad: IKEA is bullshit and I'm not building this bookshelf. I can buy a nicer one at furniture store

TeamGay: you're gonna build the damn bookshelf and like it

TurkeySquad: fffiiiinnneee

HamAndCheese: Eliza stop having cooler friends than me

FireIsDangerousChildren: succ

HamAndCheese: Maria

FireIsDangerousChildren: shit how'd u know

HamAndCheese: I just know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Benjamin Franklin and Henry Knox would have been the cutest couple ever tbh


	19. Marliza lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaylo.Ren: HEY PEGGS REMEMBER WHEN I STOPPED THOSE BULLIES AND THE FIRST THING YOU SAID WAS “my sister would totally wanna fuck you”
> 
> WhoGaveYouTheRight: dude yes omg. From day one I shipped u and Eliza
> 
> MommaDuck: Me too. Like the almost death over seeing Eliza at homecoming wasn't subtle at all
> 
> Gaylo.Ren: THAT DRESS WAS ILLEGAL

KING: Alex is having an existential crisis and forcing the rest of us to have one as well

KING: it's like kinda working?

MommaDuck: what's he going on about?

KING: he's talking about how on the first day of freshman year in high school how we had our three groups and we all like despised each other

Seaberries: he didn't hate me tho. I was like the one person not part of his group he liked

KING: bc he was always at our house for those goddamn group projects

HamAndCheese: those were fun to do.

Seaberries: you saw like extreme domestic life the entire time you were over

HamAndCheese: hey it isn't my fault you two were like the best couple™

Lee.The.Bee: Alex also happened to ask me to move in before you two so remove a point from their best couple status

HamAndCheese: that's true

KING: ow

Seaberries: OH SHIT GUESS WHO FOUND THEIR OUTFITS

Lee.The.Bee: no

Seaberries: AHHHH WATCH OUT FUCKERS IM BACK

KING: YESSS LIVE MY BABE

HamAndCheese: O DAM HE RE WE GO

dont: I don't think I've ever seen you wear your normal outfits without a jacket

HamAndCheese: you're in for the best look of your life.

Lee.The.Bee: how'd you even get to them

Seaberries: because there wasn't a person at the front desk and that plant is the most obvious place to hide a spare key

Lee.The.Bee: damn

FrenchiestFry: we don't have enough closet space for all this

HamAndCheese: well maybe if someone didn't collect heels we would

FrenchiestFry: r u d e

HamAndCheese: I'm not lying tho. You see a pair and buy it with no shame

FrenchiestFry: because I have a job and can pay for it

HamAndCheese: wow okay m e a n

MommaDuck: y’all need to not

WhoGaveYouTheRight: yall

MommaDuck: don't abuse me. Also aren't you in your hip hop class rn

WhoGaveYouTheRight: I'm banned from today's meeting bc I started rapping and roasted a kid so hard he cried

MagentaIsAColorAlex: that's my mom

CurrentlyDyingThanks: you go mom

WhoGaveYouTheRight: shitshit I was standing outside the Starbucks in my outfit and now a cop car is circling the building

MommaDuck: fuck okay u m

KING: I'm near there I'll book it mk

WhoGaveYouTheRight: yeah please hurry he's a 30 y/o white dude I'm scared as fuck

KING: dude starts parking as I high five Peggs and he half opens his door before shutting it

KING: hey either or preferably both Washington’s can you deal with this

best: I have friends who can. Just message me the plate if you got it

KING: hell fucking yeah I did.

WhoGaveYouTheRight: I'm like gonna die in .0 seconds here I gO

SquareUpPunk: I'm omw rn just so u know

HamAndCheese: look at them go. Protecting Peggs

WhoGaveYouTheRight: y’all better protect me you shits

FireIsDangerousChildren: okay so Angelica is so ready to fucking fight

MommaDuck: IMMA TAKE THIS SHIT DOWN

FireIsDangerousChildren: no ur not

MommaDuck: I COULD

FireIsDangerousChildren: but u won't

MommaDuck: d a m n

User.Name: I still can't bELIEVE Peggs could tell what the cop looked like

WhoGaveYouTheRight: in my elementary school we spent two months talking about how to figure out who was in a car with blacked out windows

WhoGaveYouTheRight: the ghetto was the real shit

FireIsDangerousChildren: Peggy we were rich

WhoGaveYouTheRight: I went to a different school district bc our father decided to not give a shit abt my schooling

FireIsDangerousChildren: speaking of our dad, have you met his new girlfriend?

MommaDuck: I have

WhoGaveYouTheRight: on FaceTime yeah

Gaylo.Ren: HEY PEGGS REMEMBER WHEN I STOPPED THOSE BULLIES AND THE FIRST THING YOU SAID WAS “my sister would totally wanna fuck you”

WhoGaveYouTheRight: dude yes omg. From day one I shipped u and Eliza

MommaDuck: Me too. Like the almost death over seeing Eliza at homecoming wasn't subtle at all

Gaylo.Ren: THAT DRESS WAS ILLEGAL

FireIsDangerousChildren: remember when u thought Alex and I were dating

Gaylo.Ren: I wanted to cry so much when you started dancing okay I wasn't prepared for betrayal

HamAndCheese: MEAN

Gaylo.Ren: l i s t e n

Gaylo.Ren: I had the biggest fuvkin crush on Eliza okay I wanted to cry

dont: the avoidance of the situation junior year tho

HamAndCheese: John we don't speak of that

dont: clearly we should if you just avoid it so swiftly

HamAndCheese: nope. It didn't happen. Never ever happened. Right M?

Gaylo.Ren: yep noTHING HAPPENeD.

HamAndCheese: we were good and loyal date mates

dont: imma cry. Babes u know Eliza and I aren't mad

FireIsDangerousChildren: like at all. It happened.

HamAndCheese: WHOOP HEY M WANNA HANG OUT AT TARGET AND NOT DEAL WITH THIS

Gaylo.Ren: OMW

dont: whelp. That was a mess.

KING: wait what happened

dont: they sort of like , , , had a fling. Tho at that time Alex was dating me and Eliza and Maria were a couple. They refuse to admit it happened

KING: oh I do remember hearing about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly please give us ideas we're D Y I N G


	20. Time For Fuckers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> KING: I can confirm I don't have a ring on my finger
> 
> HamAndCheese: 1) where would I get that money 2) Bitch please you've got two per finger 3) SHHH I SAID NOTHING
> 
> Gaylo.Ren: MMMM I LOVE THIS
> 
> ZeroToHero: Ha I'm not alone in lowkey wanting marriage
> 
> ZeroToHero: wait
> 
> Gaylo.Ren: p f t t t

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're shortening the names to just whoever is newer
> 
> Randolph Jefferson = RandolfTheRedNosedReindeer  
> Lucy Jefferson= LoveThyNeighbor  
> Catlett Madison = LiveFastDieYoung

OuiOuiAsshat: Mmmm I love my son

FireIsDangerousChildren: I love mine more

SinnersAndTheSaints: I love my daughter the most

HamAndCheese: my child's gonna have 10 loving and married parents

Washingmom: Ahem

SquareUpPunk: BITCHES PLEASE

MommaDuck: hmm this is fucking CUTE

WhoGaveYouTheRight: boys?

CurrentlyDyingThanks: Peggs is best mom

MagentaIsAColorAlex: it's true.

Gaylo.Ren: are we gonna ignore that Alex either lowkey proposed or lowkey outed his engagement

HamAndCheese: WAIT NO

Gaylo.Ren: OH SHIT WHAT ONE WAS IT

KING: I can confirm I don't have a ring on my finger

HamAndCheese: 1) where would I get that money 2) Bitch please you've got two per finger 3) SHHH I SAID NOTHING

Gaylo.Ren: MMMM I LOVE THIS

ZeroToHero: Ha I'm not alone in lowkey wanting marriage

ZeroToHero: wait

Gaylo.Ren: p f t t t

Gaylo.Ren: but fr hey Eliza would u say marriage is p chill??????

FireIsDangerousChildren: yeah. It's the same as dating but the sex is right in gods eyes

Seaberries: you can't really say that being a lesbian couple but then again I can't really judge

HamAndCheese: hell yeah you can't

MommaDuck: ALL AROUND ME ARE WORN OUT FACES, FAMILIAR PLACES

MagentaIsAColorAlex: MY PARENTS ARE COMING HERE FOR THANKSGIVING????

CurrentlyDyingThanks: SO ARE MINE ? ? ?

MagentaIsAColorAlex: they're bringing Lucy and Rand??? Like ? ? ?

CurrentlyDyingThanks: Mine are bringing Cat. Like do they expect them to behave

HamAndCheese: you two have siblings

MagentaIsAColorAlex: yeah. They're hell spawns. The worst are Lucy and Cat. The sinful JefferMads sisters

CurrentlyDyingThanks: they're so e v i l

HamAndCheese: who's Rand

MagentaIsAColorAlex: my sweet innocent brother I love. He's the only unsinful one of my family. James is the only unsinful one of his

CurrentlyDyingThanks: ;)

HamAndCheese: I feel like imma like them

MagentaIsAColorAlex: you'll like Lucy. She's really into politics and current events and caffeine

HamAndCheese: SICK

CurrentlyDyingThanks: Last time i saw Cat she was like a tiny Adrienne but that was 6 years ago so who knows what she's like now

MagentaIsAColorAlex: if she's anything like Lucy I'm opting to die on the spot.

CurrentlyDyingThanks: same

HamAndCheese: how about we don't die over siblings

KING: siblings suck. My brother is in line for the throne and he LOVES rubbing it in my face. Stupid ass.

HamAndCheese: WOWOWOOEOWOAH

HamAndCheese: YOUR BROTHER IS PRINCE EDWARD???

KING: yeah

HamAndCheese: YOURE CALM ABOUT THIS?

KING: i found out when I was like 15 tbh it's not really big news to be

Seaberries: Wasn't that when you were emancipated

KING: literally the day before the trial she told me :/

Seaberries: Pft. Well hey she's gone you're royalty and also Thomas when are they arriving

MagentaIsAColorAlex: that's the worse thing. My parents arrive in two weeks. My siblings are gonna be here tomorrow

**CurrentlyDyingThanks has added LiveFastDieYoung to the chat**

CurrentlyDyingThanks: be good

**LiveFastDieYoung has added LoveThyNeighbor and RandolfTheRedNosedReindeer to the chat**

LoveThyNeighbor: HEY BITCHES

MagentaIsAColorAlex: hello Lucy

LiveFastDieYoung: WERE IN THE CAR NOW. SEE YOU FUCKERS IN THE MORNING

RandolfTheRedNosedReindeer: We should arrive mid-day or so?

MommaDuck: I like them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See this is why I'm not allowed to be trusted in my history class - Rei


	21. Squadoween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SquareUpPunk: Martha no
> 
> Washingmom: MARTHA FUCKING YES
> 
> Best: M a r t h a

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ END NOTES!

LoveThyNeighbor: I've been here less and an hour and I'm already stealing Sam away from y'all

LoveThyNeighbor: he's literally me but male and smol and not aroace

MommaDuck: at this point I'm just assuming everyone loves Sam to an unhealthy extent

Seaberries: it's obnoxious. I can kill a man if given the chance

KING: ngl the sin bin kid can be damn scary when he wants to be

Seaberries: I never agreed to that name??

KING: Alex and I dubbed you sin bin kid like ages ago. We're just using it now.

MommaDuck: I always forget you two and Alex are like really good friends outside of the relationship

Seaberries: we’re only that way Bc Alex decided that studying was fun

Seaberries: studying with him is not fun. It just wrecks you emotionally.

KING: he tried stabbing me twice. Not sure what your project was but I'm sure that wasn't apart of it

HamAndCheese: I was trying to take a nap and I wake up to see I'm being dragged. How rude.

KING: shhh the sin bin kid and I are just conversing

HamAndCheese: you two have never once “just conversed”

KING: l i s t e n

KING: O ne t i m e

HamAndCheese: Yeah one time I have yet to get back at you for

MommaDuck: Should I ask

Seaberries: i wouldnt

MommaDuck: mk  
MommaDuck: OH ALSO MY LOVES i need to write down who everyone is going as for the #Squadoween 

Alex: SS Harley 

MagentaIsAColorAlex: SS Joker

FrenchiestFry: The poison ivy who was in “love” with Batman

dont: BATMAN!

ZeroToHero: The Penguin

Seaberries: Catwoman

KING: The Riddler

Lee.The.Bee: Robin

User.Name: Frozone to support Theo

CurrentlyDyingThanks: Alfred aka my #Daddy

WhoGaveYouTheRight: Batman Origins Harley

Gaylo.Ren: Very first Harley!

FireIsDangerousChildren: The Poison Ivy who loves Harley

Best: Superman apparently

Washingmom: WONDER WOMAN!

OuiOuiAsshat: SS Enchantress

SinnersAndTheSaints: Black Widow. #TeamMarvel

MommaDuck: and I’m Deadshot. Mk thank y’all

SquareUpPunk: Why with the matching

HamAndCheese: #Squadoween

Washingmom: #Squadoween

SquareUpPunk: Martha no

Washingmom: MARTHA FUCKING YES

Best: M a r t h a

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so 1) Sierra and Jenni are no longer a part of this account. It's only Rei.
> 
> 2) I kinda hate this? Idk if it's gonna stop or not
> 
> 3) Thanks for the support y'alll


	22. VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE LOVES <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423

OKAY SO GUESS WHAT???? IM MAKING A SEQUEL!

 

It's explained in the first notes of chapter one!!! It's all your faves but ,,, different??? idk man

http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10435347/chapters/23040423

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to my friends Jenni and Sierra for the help! This was a group effort and I love them and we will continue doing these together!


End file.
